Newsletter and jokes 24 August 2018

Hi all 
A few months ago I was pondering "where have all the rom-coms gone" ... the 
romantic comedy used to be a staple of the cinema circuit, and many went on 
to become part of the western cultural backdrop... you know, everything  
from When Harry Met Sally, Pretty Woman, You've Got Mail, Sleepless in  
Seattle, Runaway Bride, or even Shakespeare-dun-modern 10 Things I Hate 
About You. 
And then Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts got a bit older, and the upcoming  
starlets failed to capture the public's imagination in rom-coms, and  
Hollywood relegated them to the back burner and TV. 
That all changes now, with Crazy Rich Asians hitting the screen, and being 
hailed as the rebirth of the classic rom-com. Based on a best-selling  
novel, it also got a lot of press coverage for being entirely populated by 
Asians, the first such Hollywood movie since The Joy Luck club decades ago. 
The fact that critics and public alike have given it good ratings has also 
[To be fair, some people managed to find fault by accusing it of not being 
inclusive enough in the Asian casting ... ie "yellow" Asians only and no 
"brown" ones... but I think they are just being silly. It's a movie not a 
polical correctness class.] 
And CRA is just the beginning, since there are other good things on offer 
too this week. Staying with relationship issues, we have Glenn Close's 
Oscar bid in The Wife, on the art-and-similar circuit, while Denzel  
Washington reprises his role in The Equalizer 2, making short work of  
people who upset him. 
For the younger crowd and families we have another boy-and-dog story, but  
this time the dog is a highly-intelligent robot. It looks like the  
studio kept this away from the press, I will add the press reviews later. 
Lastly Bollywood rolls out another comedy caper in the sequel Happy Phirr  
Bhag Jayegi, with the action shifted to China. 
On the previews side, there are previews all over all daytime Saturday 
for next week's Hotel Transylvania 3: A Monster Vacation. See the previews 
page and remember to book. 
Releasing 24 August 2018 
* Crazy Rich Asians (13 LPD) 
* The Wife (16 LSVD) 
* The Equalizer 2 (16 LVD) 
* The Equalizer 2 (IMAX) (16 LVD) 
* A.X.L. (10 V) 
* Happy Phirr Bhag Jayegi (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Cellphone wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the 
Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It 
happened again the next week. The following 
Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady 
put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks 
until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. 
"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the 
collection plate," he stated. 
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some 
of it to the church." 
The pastor asked, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" 
The old lady replied, "$10,000 a week." 
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful! What does he do for a 
"He is a veterinarian," she answered. 
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he 
The little old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las 
Vegas and one in Reno ." 
My uncle was given bad news by his doc. 
"You've got cancer & Altzeimer's"... 
"Thank goodness I haven't got cancer" he replied. 
A bloke was lying in the street covered in liquorice & coconut.  
I said "What the hell happened to you?"... 
"All sorts" 
Health experts say red meat is the worst for your health.  
Surely not as bad as furry green meat. 
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. He enjoys his beer for 
some time, until a voice reaches his ears, "Mate, love your haircut". 
Perplexed, he looks around, and sees only the regulars at the far end of 
the bar. Deciding it might have been someone leaving, he continues 
Not too long after, he hears the voice again, "Nice shirt buddy, goes with 
the hair". 
Truly bewildered he calls over the barman and asks him what's going on, 
who's talking to him? 
The barman looks at him then points at a bowl on the bar, "Don't stress 
mate - that's just the complimentary peanuts". 
It was the usual monthly meeting of the Dyslexic Society at the local pub. 
One member went to the toilet where he met a stranger who explained that he 
wasn't a new member and that he would be doing a turn later on. 
"So, what are you?" the member asked. 
"I'm a comedian", was the reply. 
"OK! Let's see you do it?" 
"Do what?" 
"Let's see you change colour." 
f you're chased by a police dog, don't go through a tunnel, on a little 
seesaw & jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that. 
Stopped a woman for dodgy driving. "where are your glasses" I said. "I have 
contacts" she said. "Don't threaten me!" I replied. 
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very 
elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied, 
'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She 
responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it? 
Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the 
best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No 
peer pressure.' 
The nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter eggs. 
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, New 
knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, Can't hear 
anything quieter than a jet engine, Take 40 different medications that 
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia 
.. Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't 
remember if I'm 89 or 98. Have lost all my friends. But, thank 
Goodness, I still have my driver's license. 
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, So I got my doctor's 
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take 
an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and 
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, 
the class was over. 
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp 
as it used to be. 
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. 
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. 
These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says, 'For fast 

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