Newsletter and jokes 12 October 2018

Hi all 
Since Halloween falls in the middle of the week this year, we're doing 
the kiddies this weekend and the adults next week. And they get two to 
choose from: The Little Vampire, and Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween. 
For the adults, we have two well-rated offerings, the first being a look at 
the life of Neil Armstrong and his voyage to the moon in First Man, with  
the other a look at how little modern parents know about what their kids  
get up to online, and how to deal with it when you find out, in Searching. 
Then we have some female-powered hunter-killer revenge action in  
Peppermint, with Bollywood's offering of their take on "Wall Street" 
rounding out the line-up. 
No previews this week, as we work our way through exam season. 
Enjoy :-) 
Releasing 26 October 2018 
* Searching (13 LVD) 
* First Man (13 L) 
* First Man (IMAX) (13 L) 
* Peppermint (16 LVD) 
* The Little Vampire (3D) (PG7-9 VH) 
* The Little Vampire (PG7-9 VH) 
* Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween (PG10-12 VH) 
* Baazaar (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A neighbour of mine is notorious for her aversion to kitchen work. One day  
I told her I was trying to use up four buckets of home-grown apples before  
they rotted.  
I had made several pies and cakes, preserves and apple sauce by the  
gallon, but I was running out of ideas.I asked her if she had any  
“Yes,” she said. “I’d chop down the tree.” 
Son: I got a D in maths. 
Me: That’s really bad. 
Wife: You need to stop doing his homework. 
We told our kids that we are no longer saying ‘shut up’ because it sounds  
mean and can hurt people’s feelings. So our kids are getting creative. 
Our nine-year-old daughter was talking and talking, and our six-year- 
old son couldn’t take it anymore and yelled, “Silence, you peasant!” 
ME: I’ve got distressed genes. 
FRIEND: Don’t you mean distressed jeans. 
ME: Have you met my family? 
I donate blood five times a year just so I’m less and less related to  
some of my relatives.  
The only way a ‘staycation’ sounds good is if the rest of  
my family takes a ‘leavecation’. 
The family you’ve pictured in your mind is never the one that shows  
up at the braai.  
An oldie: 
A man visits a pet shop to buy a centipede, which he carries home in a box. 
When he gets back, he asks his new centipede if it would like to go for a  
walk. There’s no answer so he asks again. 
After a few minutes, there’s still no reply, so the man 
shakes the box and shouts at the centipede, still asking if it wants to go 
for a walk. 
This time the centipede shouts back, “I heard you the first time, I was  
just putting on my shoes.”  
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the Bryanston bypass. 
Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals. 
I went to the zoo last week and saw a baguette in a cage. 
The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity. 
A psychiatrist was talking to a new patient.  
“This form says you’re here because your family is very worried  
about your taste in socks. Is that right?” 
“Yes, that’s right,” replied the patient. “I only like woollen socks.” 
“But that’s perfectly normal,” replied the psychiatrist.  
“Many people prefer woollen socks to those made from cotton or acrylic.  
“In fact, I myself like woollen socks.” 
“You do?” exclaimed the patient. “With oil and vinegar or just a  
squeeze of lemon?” 
I wish there was a button on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence.  
They’ve got one called ‘brightness’, but it doesn’t work, does it? 

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