Newsletter and jokes 2 November 2018

Hi all 
It's Halloween Horror weekend for the adults this week, kicking off with 
our first local entry in the genre, The Tokoloshe. That's joined on circuit 
with Hollywood's contribution, Slender Man, based on some urban legends. 
Staying with the adult fare, we have another local release which, like 
Tokoloshe, has already won some awards, and is a genre-morphing crime  
thriller. Then Stallone is back in a sequel to Escape, promising more 
high action as he tries to prove he's not past it (yet). 
Lastly on the adults-only side, a new comedy from Tyler Perry, and for a  
change no mention of his name in the title, but it's a chick-flick called 
Nobody's Fool. 
On the art circuit, we have the offbeat musical-romance-comedy Juliet,  
Naked, while the big release for this week is Disney's live-action version 
of the famous classic story/ballet The Nutcracker, which should be a treat 
for the little ones even if the critics were not too impressed. 
India is releasing two movies during the week for Diwali, one in Hindi 
(their take on Pirates of the Caribbean) and one in Tamil. 
On the previews side, there are isolated previews for Overlord (IMAX  
version) at the IMAX venues on Wednesday, The Girl in the Spider's Web on 
Thursday, and a premier for Bohemian Rhapsody on Sunday at Hyde Park  
(which for some reason is not showing up on the Previews page... will 
See the previews page and remember to book. 
Enjoy :-) 
Releasing 2 November 2018 
* The Tokoloshe (16 VH SV) 
* Mayfair (16 LV) 
* The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (3D) (PG7-9 V) 
* The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (PG7-9 V) 
* The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (4DX) (PG7-9 V) 
* Slender Man (16 LVH) 
* Juliet, Naked (13 L) 
* Escape Plan 2: Hades (16 LV) 
* Nobody's Fool (16 LSD) 
* Sarkar (Tamil) 
* Thugs of Hindostan (Hindi) 
Thugs of Hindostan   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (TWO full HD wallpapers ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I was helping out at my church Sunday school recently. The children 
were drawing and I noticed one child was particularly deep in  
I asked him what he was drawing and he told me it was Jesus.  
The child next to him piped up that we didn't know what Jesus looked like. 
The boy looked at him for a minute and then retorted, "Well, you will 
when I've finished!" 
My dad fell off his garden ladder and became very dazed. We decided to take 
him to Emergency Services to get him checked out. 
The first thing the nurse did was ask him what day it was to determine 
his coherency. 
My dad retorted without hesitation, "It's refuse collection day." 
My friend took her daughter to their local church for the vicar's leaving  
service. The choir sang as they walked down the aisle, all holding large  
white lit candles. 
As the lights were dimmed and silence ensued, the daughter's voice could be 
loudly heard singing,  
"Happy birthday to you... happy birthday to you..."  
Much to the enjoyment of the congregation. 
My teenage brother phoned our mum to complain that there was no food in the 
house again. 
She said she was sorry but that she'd been busy.  
He continued, "There's not even bread." And then in more exasperated 
tones, "Even prisoners have bread." 
Years ago I worked as a hotel porter and spotted a middle aged man entering 
reception with a much younger women.  
I rushed over asking, "May I carry your wife's bags?" 
Glaring at him, the woman snapped, "You didn't tell me she was going to be  
They say true happiness comes from within. 
That’s why I never go outside. 
I have a friend who's a weatherman. When he tells me that he wants to hang  
out I tell him there’s a 100 per cent chance that I’ll be there, and then  
I don’t show up. 
I don't know how to use the word “hypothetical” in a sentence. 
But imagine if I did... 
Last night I blew R5000 on a reincarnation seminar. 
I just thought to myself, "Screw it. You only live once." 
I don't understand why people choose to use personal trainers. 
I’ve never been exercising and suddenly thought, "Man, I wish the 
hottest person I’ve ever seen was here criticising me right now." 
You can't actually lose a homing pigeon.  
If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon. 
If Adam and Eve couldn’t make it work in paradise, how the hell am I 
supposed to make it work in Jozi? 
I’ve written a letter of complaint to the Post Office about my post being  
To make sure that they see it, I’ve put it inside a birthday card. 
I was arrested at the airport for smearing someone’s luggage with Vaseline. 
It’s okay though, the police dropped the case. 

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