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Newsletter and jokes: 23 November 2018

Hi all

Popular South African comedian Leon Schuster is back with his latest film,
thankfully not yet another candid-camera style. It will likely do well :-)

The rest of the lineup is a bit of a mixed bag aimed at niche audiences,
I guess that's a consequence of it being the tail end of the exams as
well as everyone focusing on the whole Black Friday thing. Hope you all
wore black to work today ;-)

After Schuster's Frank & Fearless, the biggest release is the "cold war"
submarine drama Hunter Killer, which got banned in the Ukraine for showing
Russia in a favourable light, while Russia "banned" it without actually
banning it, by not granting an exhibition licence in time. Presumably 
because it shows Russia in a bad light. Go figure. :-)

Sticking with things martial, this week's arthouse-and-similar release,
Shock and Awe, takes a look at lies the US and UK governments spun in order
to justify their invasion of Iraq.

Lastly, for those who need another horror fix (well, it's been three weeks
since Halloween already) we have the spooky I Still See You.

On the previews side there's lots of goodies ... starting with Ralph Breaks
the Internet all day Saturday, then Bohemian Rhapsody on Sunday and  next 
Tuesday and Wednesday evenings, and JLo's new comedy Second Act on 
Wedneday evening. See the previews page and remember to book.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention last week that there were two music specials, 
one is showing again this week (Burn the Stage: The Movie) at Cavendish, 
Gateway, Irene Mall and The Grove.

Then for those with more sophisticated tastes, we have the ballet Don
Quixote at the Nouveaus and Gateway, and the theatre production The King 
and I at the same venues.

Enjoy :-)

Releasing 23 November 2018

* Frank & Fearless (PG10-12 LVD)
* Shock and Awe (13 LV)
* Hunter Killer (13 LV)
* I Still See You (13 VH) 

Forthcoming attractions

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (full HD cellphone wallpaper ...)

Pick of the Week 

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


Me and my buddies at the gun club often go to the cheese shop just to 
shoot the Bries.

I’ve got a friend who’s obsessed with completing his Beatles collection. 
He needs Help.

Supposed to be chaufeuring a female vicar, but I drove pastor.

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is 
last year.

Although my daughter loved her first Christmas Advent calendar, she lost
interest in it after a few days.
All became clear when I realised she’d already opened all the doors to
eat the chocolate inside and closed them up again.

My young nephew overheard me say I was getting married and was going
to change my name to my fiancé’s.
He looked at me for a moment and remarked, “I don’t think Richard will
suit you, Auntie Rachelle.”

Popping into my local pharmacy, I asked the assistant where the baby
wipes were.
“On the bottom shelf,” she replied.
Silly me, of course they were!

Toddler walks by with a hammer.
ME: What are you going to make?

Glad my car insurance company requires a ten-character password to log in. 
Wouldn’t want someone to hack in and ... pay my insurance bill. 


As the hedge fund manager gets out of his brand-new Porsche, a truck
goes racing by, taking of the door. 

“My Porsche! My beautiful silver Porsche is ruined!” he screams.

A police officer on the scene shakes his head in disgust. “I can’t
believe you,” he says. “You’re so focused on your possessions that
you didn’t even realise your left arm was torn of when the truck hit you.”

The hedge fund manager looks down in absolute horror. 
“Oh no!” he screams. “My Rolex!”


At an art gallery, a man notices two similar still-life paintings. 
Both show a table covered by a red-and-white checked cloth topped by a 
bottle of wine, a loaf of bread and a wheel of cheese. 

One painting is priced at $1000, but the other is $1500.

Confused, the man says to the gallery owner, “Those paintings look exactly 
alike. Why is one more expensive than the other?”

The gallery owner points to the pricier painting and says,
“That one has imported cheese.”


“Do not drop your cigarette ends on the loor, as they burn the hands and
knees of customers as they leave.”

Q: Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it soots him.

CLIENT: Can I have a password  reset, please?
ME: Of course. I’ve reset your password to 12345678, all numerals. You will
be prompted to change the password once you log in.
CLIENT: Are all the numbers in upper or lower case?

Life insurance agent to would-be client: 
“Don’t let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If
you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.”

Keep your dream alive: hit the snooze button.

Shock and AweI Still See YouHunter Killer
Frank & Fearless
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