Newsletter and jokes 7 December 2018

Hi all 
It's coming up to Christmas so we have The Grinch back to entertain the  
kiddies. Despite the middling ratings it's doing quite well at the box  
office overseas. 
For the older kids and/or families, we have the family-friendly Instant 
Family, with Mark Wahlburg in a movie with decent ratings for a change :-) 
Also on the family market is The Healer, which is more spiritual than 
overtly religious. The profits from this film are being donated to charity. 
On the adult/arthouse circuit, we have Keira Knightley making waves in  
Colette, while Bollywood delivers their own type of controversy in 
Kedarnath, with a Hindi-Muslim romance angle that has upset some people. 
The subcontinent is also rolling out the 3D version of last week's 2.0,  
at selected venues, in both Hindi and Tamil. 
On the previews side, there are previews all over all day Saturday for the  
upcoming *animated* Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, which might get 
some award glory next year. See the previews page and remember to book. 
Also please note that published show times are always subject to change,  
especially now that we are enduring load shedding. 
Enjoy :-) 
Releasing 7 December 2018 
* The Grinch (3D) (PG) 
* The Grinch (3D IMAX) (PG) 
* The Grinch (PG) 
* Instant Family (13 LV) 
* The Healer (13 L) 
* Colette (16 LSNP) 
* Kedarnath 
* 2.0 (Hindi) (3D) 
* 2.0 (Tamil) (3D)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I went on a 45-day diet. It’s going great. I’ve already lost 30 days. 
A little boy asks his dad, “Where does poo come from?” 
His father is taken aback by the question but decides to give his son 
the facts straight up.  
“Well, son,” he says, “food passes down the esophagus by peristalsis. 
It enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic 
reaction in the alimentary canal. This extracts the protein before 
waste product enters the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it 
then enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo.” 
“Wow,” says the boy. “So where does Tigger come from?” 
Hanging up with my 90-year-old mother, I sighed, then said to my  
96-year-old uncle, “She’s so stubborn.” 
He shook his head sympathetically and warned, “You’re going to have 
trouble with her when she gets old.” 
After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our 
fortune cookies. Mine read, “Be quiet for a little while.”  
His read, “Talk while you have a chance.” 
My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving 
all over the place. My wife said to me, “Straighten her up.” 
I looked at my daughter and said, “What are you doing with your life? 
Do you want to be this way forever? It’s time to grow up.” 
My wife hasn’t asked me to do anything since. 
My fiancé and I went to a counselor to work on our communication 
Using herself as an example, the counselor crossed her legs and 
her arms and exhaled loudly. I was about to say she was showing signs 
of frustration, but my fiancé beat me to it, yelling,  
“I’ve got it! You’re constipated!” 
A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida, vacation package 
we had booked for him: He was expecting an ocean-view hotel 
room. I explained that was not possible, since Orlando is in the 
middle of the state.  
“Don’t lie to me,”  he said. “I looked on the map, and Florida is a very  
thin state.” 
A Welsh politician asked the government for information about UFO sightings 
and if it might fund UFO research. Officials wrote back, 
“jang vIDa je due luq ... ach ghotvam’e’ QI’yaH devolve qaS.” 
Which means, “The minister will reply in due course. However, this is 
a non-devolved matter,” in Klingon. 
¡I just found out you don’t have to be Spanish to use upside-down  
¿Did you guys know about this? 

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