Newsletter and jokes 18 January 2019

Hi all 
So we have an interesting mix at the movies this week. Old-timer Robert 
Redford, who his the screens last week, is joined on circuit by Clint 
Eastwood, in a film which takes a look at what old people do to survive 
when options are limited. It's doing surprisingly well stateside, given 
the subject matter.  
Then M. Night Shyamalan is back with what is officially the third and final 
part of the "Unbreakable" trilogy, but the response stateside has been  
rather lukewarm. I guess topping the Sixth Sense has been a challenge. 
John C. Reilly teams up with Joaquin Phoenix for the oddly-titled wild 
west caper The Sisters Brothers, which has had a far better reception than 
Reilly's upcoming double act with Will Ferrell in Holmes & Watson. 
Then for fans looking to stay really cool, Aquaman is rolling (swimming?) 
out in 4DX glory at last to give you the full experience. 
Lastly Bollywood is releasing Why Cheat India, which takes a look at their 
very profitable and problematic exam cheating industry. 
On the previews side, there are a few previews for The Upside, an off-beat 
film which suprised the pundits with its USA box-office performance last  
weekend. See the previews page and remember to book :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Releasing 18 January 2019 
* Glass (16 LV) 
* Glass (IMAX) (16 LV) 
* The Sisters Brothers (16 LSVD) 
* The Mule (16 LSVPD) 
* Aquaman (4DX) (13 LVPD) 
* Why Cheat India   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I was nine months pregnant and browsing at a garage sale when the homeowner 
asked me if I knew whether I was having a boy or a girl.  
I told her I didn’t. 
As I left a few minutes later, she yelled after me,  
“I hope you get the sex you want!” 
My four-year-old said he went potty, and I asked if it was Number 1 or 2.  
He said Number 7, and now I’m terrified to go into the bathroom. 
I can’t find my kid’s birth certificate, but I apparently saved one for  
every Build-A-Bear we own in a special file because I’m insane. 
“This is a funny necklace!”  
My three-year-old with my thong around her neck. 
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a  
cowardly lion would definitely eat a girl and a little dog. 
Mommy Milk Factory has officially closed down.  
Owner thanks her two loyal customers.  
Equipment will now be used for display purposes. 
A neighbour’s 44-year-old sister was pregnant with twins.  
When her niece asked if she knew the genders, she said,  
“No. I want it to be a surprise.” 
“You’re 44 and having twins,” said her niece. 
“How much more surprise do you need in your life?” 
At dinner, my six-year-old niece turned to her dad and said,  
“Dad, when I grow up, I’m gonna marry you.” 
I laughed until her mom said to her,  
“Don’t make the same mistake I did.” 
My granddaughter was graduating from college, so I asked about any plans  
she had for the future. She hadn’t any, but she did know this much:  
“I certainly don’t want to sit in one of those cubicles and think all day.” 
During his evening prayers, my five-year-old kept his unemployed uncle in  
his thoughts.  
“Please help Uncle Steve find a job that he’s good at,” he said,  
“like owning a cat.” 
Our daughter-in-law was telling her three-year-old about the brain surgery  
he had had when he was an infant.  
“Why did I have to have the operation?” he asked. 
“Because you had something growing in your head,” she answered. 
His next question: “Was it a flower?” 
My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said,  
“Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.”  
Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, I thrust her contaminated  
hands under the tap and washed them with antibacterial soap.  
After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touch of awe,  
“How did you kill that fly all by yourself?” 
Between bites, she said, “I hit it with my pickle.” 

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