Newsletter and jokes 1 February 2019

Hi all 
Last week's local releases did pretty well at the box office, so you should 
check them out in addition to this week's new releases. 
First up and the only really wide release is episode three in the How to  
Train Your Dragon series, for the kiddies, which is showing in all formats. 
That's joined by two dramedies, one of which, Vice, has further award hopes 
while The Upside is more focused on the box office figures. 
Then we have another horror offering where you can enjoy the thrills of 
working in a morgue with The Possession of Hannah Grace, and a female- 
friendly arthouse release with serious award hopes and rave reviews in 
The Favourite. 
Lastly Bollywood rolls out a rom-com (which are scarce lately) with Ek  
Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga. I forgot to mention last week that  
Holly-Bolly crossover production The Gandhi Murder opened on Wednesday. 
No previews this week. 
Enjoy :-) 
Released 30 January 2019 
* The Gandhi Murder 
Releasing 25 January 2019 
* How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (3D) (PG7-9 V) 
* How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (PG7-9 V) 
* How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (3D IMAX) (PG7-9 V) 
* How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (4DX) (PG7-9 V) 
* The Favourite (16 LNSVD) 
* Vice (16 LVPD) 
* The Upside (16 LD) 
* The Possession of Hannah Grace (16 LVH) 
* Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A few months back, my wife showed a picture of herself at the age of seven  
to our three-year-old daughter.  
“Do you know who this is?” she asked. 
Our daughter gasped and said, “That’s me when I’m bigger!” 
A little boy asks his dad, “Where does poo come from?” 
His father is taken aback by the question but decides to give his son the  
facts straight up. 
“Well, son,” he says, “food passes down the esophagus by peristalsis. It  
enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in  
the alimentary canal. This extracts the protein before waste product enters  
the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it then enters the rectum finally  
to emerge as poo.” 
“Wow,” says the boy. “So where does Tigger come from?” 
For the second week in a row, my son and I were the only ones who showed up 
for his soccer team’s practice.  
Frustrated, I told him, “Please tell your coach that we keep coming for  
practice, but no one is ever here.” 
My son rolled his eyes and said, “He’ll just tell me the same thing he did  
“Which was?” 
“That practice is now on Wednesdays, not Tuesdays.” 
How many 16-year-olds does it take to change a lightbulb? 
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old  
son to visit the widow. 
As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy,  
“Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.” 
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.” 
My young son declared, “When I grow up, I’m going to marry you, Mommy.” 
“You can’t marry your own mother,” said his older sister. 
“Then I’ll marry you.” 
“You can’t marry me either.” 
He looked confused, so I explained,  
“You can’t marry someone in your own family.” 
“You mean I have to marry a total stranger?!” he cried. 
In church, my three-year-old insists on being the one to put the money into  
the collection basket.  
One Sunday, as the basket came toward him, he held out the envelope and  
asked aloud, “When is God coming to pick up his paycheck?” 
As a speech therapist, I was working with a preschooler on body-part  
identification and the k sound. To that end, I had him use Play-Doh to make  
a sculpture of me. 
“Is that my neck?” I asked, trying to get him to repeat the word. 
“No, that’s your chin,” he said. 
He added more Play-Doh. 
“Is that my neck?” I asked. 
“No, that’s your other chin.” 
My friends gave their science-loving son a small rocket powered by vinegar  
and baking soda. The boy and his friend went outside and launched and  
re-launched the rocket until they ran out of all the white vinegar.  
Rummaging through the pantry in the kitchen, he discovered a bottle of  
balsamic vinegar. Pulling it off the shelf, he told his friend,  
“Let’s break out the good stuff.” 

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