Newsletter and jokes 29 March 2019

Hi all 
It's the tail end of the holidays and the kids are getting bored ... no  
matter, Dumbo is here to entertain them. It's the widest release this 
week, and should do well despite the middling reviews. 
Then we have two action thrillers, the first is the Holly/Bolly crossover  
Hotel Mumbai which features a few well known faces but which has divided 
the critics somewhat. There is a limited release for Captive State,  
traditionally sci-fi films do not do so well here, and the very average 
reviews didn't help. 
The we have Us... Jordan Peele's followup to the highly-rated Get Out from  
two years ago, which kicked up a storm at the US box office last weekend. 
It has also impressed the critics (just as Get Out did) but for some  
reason is not on "full wide" release here (compared to, for example, What  
Men Want which has way more screens). 
This week's arthouse release is The Front Runner, about US Senator Barry 
Goldwater's campaign a few decades ago, while Bollywood has on off-beat 
rom-com for your viewing pleasure. 
On the previews side, there are previews just about everywhere all day  
Saturday for the upcoming "comic" superhero film Shazam!. See the previews 
page and remember to book. 
As always, if you're on the road this weekend, take care :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Releasing 29 March 2019 
* Dumbo (3D) (PG V) 
* Dumbo (PG V) 
* Dumbo (3D IMAX) (PG V) 
* Us (16 LVH) 
* The Front Runner (13 LD) 
* Captive State (13 LVD) 
* Hotel Mumbai (16 LVP) 
* Notebook (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (>Full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Supervisor: This project isn’t something we can finish off quickly.  
It’s like an onion. It has layers that we have to peel away, one by one. 
Coworker: And it will make us cry a lot. 
Our boss asked the new mailroom guy to make three copies of an office key.  
The guy returned ten minutes later with the copies … which he’d made on the  
photocopier machine. 
How many tech-support folks does it take to change a lightbulb? 
We have a lightbulb here, and it works fine.  
Can you tell me what kind of bulb you have?  
OK. There could be four or five things wrong.  
Now, have you turned the light switch off and on? 
Supervisor to team leader: So our people aren’t astute enough to understand  
these comments on the document? 
Leader: What does astute mean? 
While interviewing a candidate for a receptionist position,  I asked one of 
my standard questions:  
“What do you see in yourself that you’d like to improve?” 
Her response: “My breasts.” 
Half of all employers know within the first five minutes of an interview if  
a candidate is a good fit for a position. It’s a wonder these people made  
it past the first five seconds. 
• Candidate sang her responses to questions. 
• Candidate put lotion on her feet during the interview. 
• When asked why he wanted the position, candidate replied,  
“My wife wants me to get a job.” 
• Candidate had a pet bird in her shirt. 
• Candidate started feeling interviewer’s chest to find a heartbeat so they  
could “connect heart to heart.” 
I was supervising some prospective employees at our construction company as  
they filled out their application forms. Everyone was busily writing away  
except for one guy, who appeared stumped.  
He turned to his friend and whispered,  
“Hey, George, what’s my maiden name?” 
Have you ever been a victim of a JIB (job interview breakdown)?  
“I got asked about punctuality. I went on about how it was good to speak  
clearly and politely, and it was nice to use proper grammar in speech and  
The skills section of your résumé is where you can impress hiring managers  
with your qualifications. Or not, as these real examples show: 
• “I offer mediocrity at its best.” 
• “I’m try-lingual.” 
• “I’ve got a PhD in human feelings.” 
• “Grate communication skills.” 
• “Familiar with all faucets of accounting.” 
• “Extensive background in public accounting. I can also stand on my head!” 
• “Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.” 

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