Newsletter and jokes 12 April 2019

Hi all 
Not quite sure what to say about this week's lineup... seems to be marking 
time for next week and the week after.  
First up is Racetime for the kiddies, a Canadian film which has not had a 
US release yet so ratings are scarce.  
Also aimed at the family market is the "Lassie Come Home" story of A Dog's 
Way Home. Finally for the family/Easter market, the faith-based film 
For the adults (18 LVHD) we have another superhero in the reboot of the  
Hellboy franchise, which has rather failed to impress the critics overseas, 
we'll have to see how local audiences take to it. 
Next week is Easter, and unusually, the new releases are going out on 
Good Friday, except for local comedy Kandasamys: The Wedding, which will be 
showing from Thursday at the Nu Metro venues. Kinda-like all-day previews. 
There are also previews at the CineCentre venues for Bollywood film Kalank  
next Wednesday, local drama Skemerson is premiering at Mountain Mill Mall  
on Thursday, and Hyde Park is screening The Queen's Corgi at noon on  
Saturday. See the previews page and remember to book. 
Enjoy :-) 
Releasing 12 April 2019 
Racetime (3D) (PG LV) 
Racetime (PG LV) 
After (16 SD) 
A Dog’s Way Home (PG V) 
Hellboy (18 LVHD) 
Hellboy (IMAX) (18 LVHD) 
Breakthrough (PG7-9)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (>Full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
It’s the first of the month; here are excuses tenants gave their landlords  
for not paying the rent. 
• “I have to make payments on my BMW and iPhones.” 
• “You are too wrapped up in the whole concept of ‘money.’” 
• “So ... you’re talking to me only because the rent’s not paid? Is that  
all I am to you? A tenant?” 
Client to designer: “It doesn’t really look purple.  
It looks more like a mixture of red and blue.” 
Tech support: Is the light on your modem blinking? 
Customer: No. 
Tech: So it’s solid, then? 
Customer: Yes. It’s solid, then it’s off, then it’s solid again,  
then it’s off again ... 
A client called my help desk saying she couldn’t send an e-mail.  
When I was done troubleshooting the problem, she interrupted me to ask,  
“Wait a minute, do I type @ in lower- or uppercase?” 
A customer said she was looking for a book.  
She couldn’t remember the title, author, or plot.  
“But,” she said, “the cover is red.” 
Client: The blue looks OK, but it would be great if it was a little more  
orange. Like “blorange.” 
Travel agents often have their hands full with customer complaints like  
* “There was no sign telling you that you shouldn’t get on the hot-air  
balloon ride if you’re afraid of heights.” 
* “I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment with our friends’  
three-bedroom apartment, and ours was significantly smaller.” 
* “We could not enjoy the tour, as our guide was too ugly. You can’t be  
expected to admire a beautiful view when you’re staring at a face like  
* “The street signs weren’t in English. I don’t understand how anyone can  
get around.” 
* “You said the town was next to a volcano, but we went, and there was no  
lava. I’m pretty sure it was just a mountain.” 
A verbatim e-mailed request from my graphic design client:  
“Is there any way that the design elements can look more placed and  
leced smooged? Do you know what I mean?” 
Scene: Horseback-riding stable. 
Mom: Those horses are awfully big for my daughter. 
Me: Our horses are very sweet ... 
Mom: Don’t you have something smaller? What about that one over there?  
It’s the perfect size for her! 
Me: Um ... that’s a goat. 

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