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Newsletter and jokes: 3 May 2019

Hi all

Avengers continues to dominate the market globally, so no new blockbusters
this week. Before we get to the new releases, a quick recap from 
Boxofficemojo on how Avengers is doing Stateside and internationally:


Records continue to fall as Disney's Avengers: Endgame makes ready for its 
sophomore frame. After having already topped $452 million domestically 
(#17 all-time) and $1.664 billion worldwide (#6 all-time), the film enters 
its second weekend looking to top Star Wars: The Force Awakens's $149.2 
million second weekend and add that record to its list of achievements. 
Beyond that, the film will top $600 million domestically this weekend and 
has a shot at outperforming 2012's The Avengers, which brought in $623.4 
million after 14/15 days in release — Endgame is looking to do push past 
that number in just ten.

Internationally, Endgame has already brought in $1.21 billion overseas as 
of May 1 after having released in 100% of the international marketplace. 
The film is doing gangbusters in China where it has already generated 
$459.4 million and early estimates have it doing another $50 million on 
Thursday as it continues to add to its already record haul as the largest 
foreign release in the market of all-time. The film currently stands as the 
sixth largest worldwide release of all-time and will soon push over $2 
billion globally, moving to #2 behind Avatar ($2.788 billion). 


Meanwhile, back in South Africa, as we head towards an interesting 
election, the biggest release is the animated kiddie film (for the 
little ones) UglyDolls, which is also opening Stateside, so no crowd
reviews yet, but reviews are pretty average which is typical for movies
aimed at this age group.

For the teens, we have another member of the Conjuring family, with The 
Curse of La Llorona, and she wants your children...

Also for the teens, but showing at the Nouveaus-and-similar, is local
Afrikaans drama Skemerson, based on a true story.

For the adults, we have a two dark tales and one twisted rom-com. The 
first of these is Miss Bala, an action thriller that's a remake of the 
director's Spanish-language film of the same name, and then Zac Effron
goes all dark and evil, playing notorious serial killer Ted Bundy in
the bizarrely-titled Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile, which had
the dubious benefit of a review embargo.

As for the rom-com The Other Side, that's a romantic triangle with a gay 

Lastly Bollywood rolls out Blank, a thriller about a bomber with amnesia...

On the previews side, there are Girls Night screenings for The Hustle next
Wednesday, to help you destress from the election, and also The Intruder,
if you need the extra stress.

Enjoy :-)

Releasing 3 May 2019

* Uglydolls (PG7-9 VP)
* The Curse of La Llorona (13 VH)
* Miss Bala (16 LSVD)
* Skemerson (PG10-12)
* The Other Side (16 LSPD)
* Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile (16 LSVD SV)
* Blank 

Forthcoming attractions

Updated the pic and quote on the home page

This Week's pinup (cellphone wallpaper ...)

Pick of the Week 

All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.

List of all movies showing

Same list sorted by Age Restriction

Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.

Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)

Cheers, Ian


We had just pulled up to the pig farm when my aunt bolted out the front 
door of her home to greet us. After the hugs and kisses, Dad asked about my

“He’s in the barn with the pigs,” she said. “Don’t worry; you won’t have 
any trouble finding him. He’s the only one with a hat on.”


I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my 
reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: 
“Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?”

She answered, “I do.”


My wife says I’m unsophisticated and uncultured, so to prove her wrong, 
guess where I’m taking her. 

Hint: It starts with “B” and rhymes with “wallet.”


One year, the family went to the Radio City Music Hall Christmas 
Spectacular. The Rockettes represented reindeer by wearing headband 
antlers. At the end of the show, I asked my husband, a biologist, what he 

“The antlers were wrong,” he said.

“What?” I asked incredulously.

“Reindeer have palmate antlers. Those were white-tailed bucks’ antlers.”

I knew he wasn’t kidding. I just couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed 
anything below the antlers.


We were in a restaurant, perusing the menu, when I let my husband know that 
he rarely paid attention to me when I spoke. Well, of course he disagreed, 
so we went back to reading our menus in chilly silence. 

After a few uncomfortable minutes, I said, 
“I think I’m getting a headache.”

He responded, “Go ahead, sweetheart; get whatever you want.”


While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive 
single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed because 
the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. 

So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a 

He replied, “I’m a priest.”


After painting the bedroom walls, my husband prepared to put back the 

“How should I hang them?” he asked me. “Too high or too low?”

BlankUglyDollsThe Other SideThe Curse of La Llorona
Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and VileMiss BalaSkemerson
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