Newsletter and jokes 3 May 2019

Hi all 
Avengers continues to dominate the market globally, so no new blockbusters 
this week. Before we get to the new releases, a quick recap from  
Boxofficemojo on how Avengers is doing Stateside and internationally: 
Records continue to fall as Disney's Avengers: Endgame makes ready for its  
sophomore frame. After having already topped $452 million domestically  
(#17 all-time) and $1.664 billion worldwide (#6 all-time), the film enters  
its second weekend looking to top Star Wars: The Force Awakens's $149.2  
million second weekend and add that record to its list of achievements.  
Beyond that, the film will top $600 million domestically this weekend and  
has a shot at outperforming 2012's The Avengers, which brought in $623.4  
million after 14/15 days in release — Endgame is looking to do push past  
that number in just ten. 
Internationally, Endgame has already brought in $1.21 billion overseas as  
of May 1 after having released in 100% of the international marketplace.  
The film is doing gangbusters in China where it has already generated  
$459.4 million and early estimates have it doing another $50 million on  
Thursday as it continues to add to its already record haul as the largest  
foreign release in the market of all-time. The film currently stands as the  
sixth largest worldwide release of all-time and will soon push over $2  
billion globally, moving to #2 behind Avatar ($2.788 billion).  
Meanwhile, back in South Africa, as we head towards an interesting  
election, the biggest release is the animated kiddie film (for the  
little ones) UglyDolls, which is also opening Stateside, so no crowd 
reviews yet, but reviews are pretty average which is typical for movies 
aimed at this age group. 
For the teens, we have another member of the Conjuring family, with The  
Curse of La Llorona, and she wants your children... 
Also for the teens, but showing at the Nouveaus-and-similar, is local 
Afrikaans drama Skemerson, based on a true story. 
For the adults, we have a two dark tales and one twisted rom-com. The  
first of these is Miss Bala, an action thriller that's a remake of the  
director's Spanish-language film of the same name, and then Zac Effron 
goes all dark and evil, playing notorious serial killer Ted Bundy in 
the bizarrely-titled Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile, which had 
the dubious benefit of a review embargo. 
As for the rom-com The Other Side, that's a romantic triangle with a gay  
Lastly Bollywood rolls out Blank, a thriller about a bomber with amnesia... 
On the previews side, there are Girls Night screenings for The Hustle next 
Wednesday, to help you destress from the election, and also The Intruder, 
if you need the extra stress. 
Enjoy :-) 
Releasing 3 May 2019 
* Uglydolls (PG7-9 VP) 
* The Curse of La Llorona (13 VH) 
* Miss Bala (16 LSVD) 
* Skemerson (PG10-12) 
* The Other Side (16 LSPD) 
* Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile (16 LSVD SV) 
* Blank   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (cellphone wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
We had just pulled up to the pig farm when my aunt bolted out the front  
door of her home to greet us. After the hugs and kisses, Dad asked about my 
“He’s in the barn with the pigs,” she said. “Don’t worry; you won’t have  
any trouble finding him. He’s the only one with a hat on.” 
I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my  
reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years:  
“Will you still love me when I’m old, fat, and balding?” 
She answered, “I do.” 
My wife says I’m unsophisticated and uncultured, so to prove her wrong,  
guess where I’m taking her.  
Hint: It starts with “B” and rhymes with “wallet.” 
One year, the family went to the Radio City Music Hall Christmas  
Spectacular. The Rockettes represented reindeer by wearing headband  
antlers. At the end of the show, I asked my husband, a biologist, what he  
“The antlers were wrong,” he said. 
“What?” I asked incredulously. 
“Reindeer have palmate antlers. Those were white-tailed bucks’ antlers.” 
I knew he wasn’t kidding. I just couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed  
anything below the antlers. 
We were in a restaurant, perusing the menu, when I let my husband know that  
he rarely paid attention to me when I spoke. Well, of course he disagreed,  
so we went back to reading our menus in chilly silence.  
After a few uncomfortable minutes, I said,  
“I think I’m getting a headache.” 
He responded, “Go ahead, sweetheart; get whatever you want.” 
While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive  
single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed because  
the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married.  
So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a  
He replied, “I’m a priest.” 
After painting the bedroom walls, my husband prepared to put back the  
“How should I hang them?” he asked me. “Too high or too low?” 

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