Newsletter and jokes 17 May 2019

Hi all 
Exam season is in full swing again, but never fear, Hollywood has what you  
need to help destress :-) 
We've got two big releases this week, one for the kids and one for the  
adults. First up is Pokémon Detective Pikachu, which set some records last 
week stateside as the biggest video-game-to-movie release ever, so it is 
likely to do well here too. 
For the adults, we have that most curious of things, a film starring  
Keanu Reeves (John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum ) that has received solid  
thumbs-up from the professional critics. It also stars Halle Berry who has  
been quiet lately. 
The other smaller releases include a Ukranian animated film (The Stolen  
Princess) for the little ones, and this week's arthouse-and-related release 
Gloria Bell. 
The Indian subcontinent has two offerings, the rom-com De De Pyaar De in  
Hindi, and another action rom-com Mr.Local in Tamil. 
On the previews side, there are premieres/previews at selected venues 
next Thursday evening for both Disney's live-action version of Aladdin, and 
Long Shot, starring Charlize. Suggest you book early (like NOW) for  
Aladdin .... see the Previews page for venues. 
Enjoy :-) 
Releasing 17 May 2019 
* Pokémon Detective Pikachu (PG7-9 V) 
* Pokémon Detective Pikachu (3D) (PG7-9 V) 
* The Stolen Princess (PG7-9 V) 
* John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (18 LV) 
* John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (IMAX) (18 LV) 
* John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (4DX) (18 LV) 
* Gloria Bell (16 LNSD) 
* De De Pyaar De (Hindi) 
* Mr.Local (Tamil)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
While filling in a credit card application, my friend came upon this  
question: “What is your source of income?” 
She wrote: “ATM.” 
I spotted several pairs of men’s Levis at a garage sale. They were sizes  
30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33.  
So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head. 
“I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.” 
Scene: Me using the Siri app on my iPhone. 
Me: Siri, call my wife. 
Siri: Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts. 
Me: Samantha Gibbs is my wife. 
Siri: I’ve added Samantha Gibbs as your wife. 
Me: Call my wife. 
Siri: Which wife? 
Instead of saying “like,” I now say “such as” because I such as to sound  
The water I was heating for pasta refused to boil, and if my 12-year-old  
son was right, I wasn’t helping by constantly checking on it. 
“It’s like that old saying,” he said. “‘A watched website never loads.’” 
Some friends joined my husband and me at a diner. Everyone ordered regular  
coffee except for Joe, who asked for decaf. The waitress returned a few  
minutes later and set all the coffees down on the table. 
“Which one’s the decaf?” Joe asked. 
The waitress picked up a cup, took a sip, and said, “This one.” 
The food at the sandwich shop I frequent is good, but any deviation from  
the norm throws the staff.  
I once told a clerk that I wanted only half a sandwich.  
His reply: “What am I going to do with the other half?” 
A week later, when I told another clerk the same thing, she responded,  
“Do you want the top or the bottom?” 
A long line leading to the ladies’ room greeted my friend’s wife. Since  
desperate times call for desperate measures, my friend took her into the  
empty men’s room, then stood guard.  
When she exited a few minutes later, a man waiting his turn called out,  
“I hope you remembered to put up the toilet seat.” 
After an impromptu song, our pastor asked the church pianist,  
“What key did I sing that in?” 
The pianist replied, “Most of them.” 

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