Newsletter and jokes 24 May 2019

Hi all 
The live-action version of Disney's Aladdin hits the screens worldwide  
today. Reviews have been above average without being outstanding, partly I 
think because everyone is comparing it to the well-known animated classic. 
Personally I thought it was okay, and ticked all the boxes for a "family  
film." It does pay some homage to the 1950s-style Hollywood musicals, and  
even a little nod to Bollywood, while also attending to political  
correctness. It was a bit of a shock seeing Guy Ritchie's name as director 
but he pulled it off. 
The other big release is adult rom-com Long Shot, starring Charlize. It was  
originally rated as 18 but the distributor appealed (and it looks like they  
might have cut the worse excesses) and got it rerated to 16. 
On the art-circuit-and-related, we have Red Joan, based on the true story 
of a Russian mole in British intelligence. 
Lastly Bollywood rolls out the anti-terrorist manhunt saga of India's Most 
On the previews side, there are previews on Saturday for horror thriller 
Brightburn, and next Wednesday for Elton John biopic Rocketman, all at  
selected venues only. See the previews page and remember to book. 
Enjoy :-) 
Releasing 24 May 2019 
* Aladdin (3D) (PG7-9 V) 
* Aladdin (PG7-9 V) 
* Aladdin (3D IMAX) (PG7-9 V) 
* Long Shot (16 LSPD) 
* Red Joan (13 SD) 
* India's Most Wanted (13 V)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I spent more than two hours in the beauty shop getting my hair permed, cut,  
and styled.  
Relieved to be done, I went up to the receptionist to pay.  
“Good afternoon!” she said cheerfully.  
“And who’s your appointment with today?” 
I admit it: I’d had too much to drink one night. How much?  
I-lost-my-glass-eye too much.  
I called all the places I’d haunted, including a Denny’s.  
“Hello,” I said to the woman who answered.  
“I ate dinner there last night, and I’ve lost my glass eye. By any chance,  
did anyone find it?” 
After a pause, she asked, 
“What colour was it?” 
Spotted in the classifieds:  
“For sale: cemetery plot, $200, so I don’t have to spend all eternity  
beside my ex!” 
I texted my husband to tell him that I’d be out of touch for a bit since I  
planned to colour my hair. Thanks to autocorrect, here’s what he read:  
“After I finish my cup of coffee, I am going to die. You may not be able to  
reach me while I’m in the midst of that.” 
Before the cup of coffee even touched the table, my brother told the  
waitress, “Take it back. It’s cold.”  
The waitress poured him another cup and returned a minute later, only to be  
told once again, “Take it back. It’s cold.”  
The third cup, however, he accepted, which prompted the waitress to ask,  
“How did you know the first two cups were cold without sipping them?” 
My brother said,  
“Because with the first two, your thumb was in the coffee.” 
Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL. 
Son: Why is that funny? 
Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean? 
Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud. 
Mom: I thought it meant Lots of Love. I have to call everyone back. 
Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry. 
Mom: WTF! 
Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means? 
Mom: Well That’s Fantastic. 
Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean? 
Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later. 
Mom: OK, I will ask your sister. 
I’d like the window that says  
“Are you sure you want to do this? OK/Cancel”  
to pop up less often on my computer and more in my real life. 
I mentioned to my sons that some teens used Facebook to plan a robbery at a  
local mall. 
“How did the NSA miss that?” my 21-year-old asked. 
“I told you guys,” said my 17-year-old. “No one uses Facebook anymore.” 

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