Newsletter and jokes 12 July 2019

Hi all 
It's a bit of "the calm before the storm" this week as we wait for Disney's 
revamped Lion King to land next week. 
In the mean time we've kicked off the difficult 3rd term, so while the kids 
all get back into school mode, the two new mainstream releases are aimed 
at the adult market. 
First up is the Uber Trip From Hell, aka Stuber, about a regular Uber  
driver getting exactly the wrong customer. That's joined by a remake/ 
re-imagining of Child's Play, which is Horror Done Right. 
Also screening at a few venues is the Special Edition of Avengers: Endgame, 
which has some footage not in the original. They're still trying to push 
the gross takings past Avatar for global bragging rights (we won't mention 
how far everyone still is from Gone With the Wind if you consider  
Bollywood has a school-centred biopic about a special academy for poor but 
bright kids. 
Lastly, on the previews side, there are previews all day Saturday for the 
Fast and Furious spinoff Hobbs & Shaw, only at Riversquare (and I hope that 
wasn't a data-capture error), and then premieres for The Lion King next  
Thursday at Emperor's Palace and Mall of Africa .... see the previews page 
and remember to book. 
Enjoy :-) 
Released 12July 2019 
* Stuber (16 LNSV) 
* Child’s Play (18 LVH) 
* Avengers: Endgame - Special Edition (PG10-12 LV) 
* Super 30 (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (hi-res cellphone wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I was looking forward to the trip to New Orleans my mother and I were  
taking until we reached the airport. Suddenly I had a panic attack at the  
thought of having to fly. Dad, bless his heart, did everything he could to  
calm my nerves.  
“You know, you’re safer in a plane than you are in a car,” he reminded me.  
That reassurance eventually worked. He gave me a loving kiss on the head,  
then asked my mother, “Did you buy flight insurance?” 
Driving across California, we stopped at a red light in a beautiful old  
western town. As I admired the elegant storefronts and beautiful scenery,  
I didn’t notice that the light had turned green and back to red again.  
It was then that a police officer tapped on my window and said,  
“That’s all the colours we got here.” 
That was my sister’s way of letting the world know she’d just seen a mouse  
inside her Adirondack Mountains cabin.  
Her husband set a trap, and a while later they heard it snap shut.  
As he carried the trap to the garbage, my sister scrutinized the little  
beast, then shook her head. “No,” she said, “that’s not him.” 
My son took his first flight at the age of four.  
He was scared about flying, so he called the attendant over and told her  
that he wanted the plane not to “flight” but just to get “going on the  
The flight attendant played along and agreed. As the plane sped down the  
runway, my son called back to her, “I told you by road, but not so fast!!!” 
During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant  
got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. 
There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell  
silent — eyebrows arched, brain overloaded.  
After a long pause, he thundered, “The alphabet?!” 
Never advise anyone to go to war, or to marry. 
While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our  
lieutenant to radio for help. 
“Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you?” the base  
operator asked him. 
“Yes,” said the lieutenant. “We are directly under the moon.” 

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