Newsletter and jokes 26 July 2019

Hi all 
The Lion King had a very good debut last week, breaking records all over 
the world.  
This week is a bit more subdued than that, but at least two of the new  
films on offer are pretty good, going by the ratings. 
First up is the creep alligator thriller Crawl, which is apparently based 
on real events, and makes a change from Jaws-type movies. Reviews have  
been good.  
Staying with the horror end of the spectrum, Midsommar takes a look at how 
creepy some religious sects can be, with this Scandanavian-set thriller. 
Moving more to family-class releases, The Current War takes a look at the  
epic battle a century ago between the two powerhouse innovators who brought 
us domestic electricity and indoor lighting, without which our modern world 
would not exist.  
The last Hollywood film, on limited release, is another based-on-a-true- 
story tale of racial conflict and bonding in the USA, entitled The Best of 
Finally Bollywood has two offerings, both comedy, with a dash of crime. 
No previews this week. 
I had some hate mail during the week because I forgot to mention last week  
that Cinema Nouveau Rosebank is closed for renovations. So please be  
advised that Cinema Nouveau Rosebank is closed for renovations .... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Released 26 July 2019 
* Crawl (16 LVH) 
* The Current War (13 V) 
* Midsommar (18 LNSVDH) 
* The Best of Enemies (13 LVP) 
* Judgementall Hai Kya (Hindi) 
* Arjun Patiala  (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
We were inspecting several lots of grenades.  
While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin 
and asked, “Has anyone seen my grenade?” 
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85.  
That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 
After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how  
beautiful her complexion looked.  
“What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth?” I asked. 
“Nothing,” she said. “I’ve been sandblasted.” 
A recruit thought he was special because he was an Eagle Scout.  
The drill instructor picked up on this and took him into the woods and made  
him build a nest.  
Then he had him squat over it in order to keep his eggs warm. 
My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when  
we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about.  
“Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant?” I asked. 
He snapped off a salute and responded, “I don’t know, sir!”  
Turning to the sergeant, he asked, “Gunnery, where is my foxhole?” 
“You’re standing in it, sir,” said the sergeant.  
“All you have to do is remove the dirt.” 
My son was born while I was serving abroad, so he was three before we met.  
When I got home, I decided it was time for a little father-son bonding  
time. I bought him a toy razor and invited him to “shave” with me.  
In the bathroom, I took up my razor and started shaving. I looked around to  
see how my son was doing. His foot was up on the side of the bathtub, and  
he was running the razor up and down his leg.  
So much for male bonding. 
The barbershop was crowded, so the woman at the cash register offered to  
put my name on the waiting list. “What is it?” she asked. 
“Stephen, with a P-H,” I said. 
Minutes later, a chair opened up, and my name was called: 

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