Newsletter and jokes 2 August 2019

Hi all 
It's a short week this week, thanks to the holiday next Friday. 
The big release this week is the spin-off from the Fast and Furious series, 
which apparently had Vin Diesel very upset since he was excluded. Reviews 
are okay for this sort of film. 
Last year, actor John C. Reilly had the dubious distinction of getting 
nominated for both an Razzie and a Golden Globe ... the Razzie was for his  
role in Holmes & Watson, while the Globe nom was for his role in Stan &  
Ollie, which opens today in very few venues. 
Also on somewhat limited release is Richard Says Goodbye starring everyone's 
favourite pirate, Johnny Depp. This has had a mixed reception overseas, 
pleasing the crowds while not impressing the critics. It's also known as 
The Professor. 
For the kiddies we have an animated feature from Europe, Terra Willy:  
Unexplored Planet, which has not had a wide release overseas yet. 
Lastly Bollywood rolls out a "challenging" film which takes a comical look 
at attitudes towards sex in India. 
No previews this week, but new movies open next Thursday. 
Enjoy :-) 
Released 2 August 2019 
* Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (13 LV) 
* Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (IMAX) (13 LV) 
* Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw (4DX) (13 LV) 
* Stan & Ollie (PG7-9 D) 
* Richard Says Goodbye (16 LSD) 
* Terra Willy: Unexplored Planet (PG V) 
* Khandaani Shafakhana   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
My cousin was in love and wanted to introduce his bride-to-be to his  
hypercritical mother. But in order to get an unbiased opinion, he invited  
over three other female friends as well and didn’t tell his mom which one  
he intended to marry. 
After the four women left, he asked his mother, “ 
Can you guess which one I want to marry?” 
“The one with short hair.” 
“Yes! How’d you know?” 
“Because that’s the one I didn’t like.” 
One evening I was commenting on my bad exercise habits and tight clothes. 
Whenever I criticize myself, my four-year-old son always has something  
charming to say. 
Using a new word this time, he smiled and said,  
“Oh, no, Mommy! You look flabulous!” 
I’m forever asking my family to repeat what they say. Convinced that I had  
a hearing problem, I grudgingly went to a specialist to be tested. 
After running all the tests, the doctor said, “Your hearing is exceptional.  
Your problem is that you live with a husband and three teenagers who all  
One rainy morning, my mother went for her daily run.  
As she returned to the house, she slipped and fell, hitting her head on the  
I called the paramedics. When they arrived, they asked my mom some  
questions to determine her coherency. 
“What day is it today?” inquired one man. 
Without hesitation, Mom replied, “Trash day.” 
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. 
During a science lesson, my sister-in-law picked up a magnet and said to  
her second-grade class,  
“My name begins with the letter M, and I pick things up. What am I?” 
A little boy answered, “You’re a mommy.” 
While driving on the highway, my daughter noticed a child in the window of  
a car in the next lane, holding up a handwritten sign that read “Help.” 
A few minutes later, the car passed her and she again glanced at it.  
The little boy held up the same sign and this time followed it with  
another, which read, “My mother is singing!” 
When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical thing:  
I panicked and called my father. 
“How do you get a squirrel out of a basement?” I shrieked. 
Dad advised me to leave a trail of peanut butter and crackers from the  
basement to the outside.  
It worked — the squirrel ate his way out of the house.  
Unfortunately, he passed another squirrel eating his way in. 

Xax International logo
 Xax International
 All rights reserved.