Newsletter and jokes 22 November 2019

Hi all 
We're heading for the home stretch as exams wind down, and we have some 
historic motor racing action to rev things up. The film Ford v Ferrari 
opens today, also on the big IMAX screens. It was released in some markets 
as Le Mans 66, and opened at the top of the US box office last week, while 
Charlie's Angels had a disasterous start stateside. It did okay here though. 
The rest of the line-up is for the adults, kicking off with Jexi, which is 
about what happens when your personal assistent on your phone starts to get 
a little too personal. 
That's joined by a new local thriller about how bad decisions can spiral 
out of control, Cut-Out Girls. 
On the art circuit, we have a French comedy from 2017, starring screen  
legends Gérard Depardieu and Catherine Deneuve, entitled Nobody's Perfect! 
Bollywood has an action comedy called Pagalpanti. 
There are some premieres next Thursday at selected venues for the upcoming 
Agatha-Christie style murder mystery starring Daniel Craig, called Knives 
Out. See the previews page and remember to book. 
Also running at the moment is the Joburg Film Festival, mainly at 
Sandton City and Cinema Nouveau Rosebank. Some of the films screening 
are coming to the main ciruit later, like 21 Bridges, Jojo Rabbit and  
probably Harriet,so if you want to catch them early, there's your chance. 
Released 22 November 2019 
* Ford v Ferrari (13 L)  
* Ford v Ferrari (IMAX) (13 L) 
* Jexi (16 LNSD) 
* Cut-Out Girls (18 LSV SV) 
* Nobody's Perfect! (16 LD) 
* Pagalpanti (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I’m reading a great book about antigravity — I just can’t put it down. 
When our school librarian announced she was changing schools, my fellow  
teacher asked a student, “Why do you think Ms. Richardson is leaving?” 
The third grader opined, “Because she’s read all our books?” 
I was a percussion major when I was in college, and during a rehearsal of  
the student orchestra, my section kept making mistakes. 
“When you’re too dumb to play anything,” the professor conducting us  
sneered, “they give you a couple of sticks, put you in the back and call  
you a percussionist.” 
A friend next to me whispered, “And if you’re too dumb to hang on to both  
sticks, they give you one, put you in the front and call you a conductor.” 
I recently ran into an old student of mine, who said, “I always liked you. 
You never had favourites. You were mean to everyone.” 
During our computer class, the teacher chastised one boy for talking to the 
girl sitting next to him. 
“I was just asking her a question,” the boy said. 
“If you have a question, ask me,” the teacher tersely replied. 
“Okay,” he answered. “Do you want to go out with me Friday night?” 
A friend was assigned a new post teaching English to inmates in prison.  
Feeling a little nervous on his first day, he began by asking the class a  
basic question: 
“Now, who can tell me what a sentence is?” 
My parents sent me to military school in Switzerland.  
There they taught me how to be neutral. 
Kids have a greater need for speed than classroom computers can deliver.  
Impatient to turn in his term paper, one restless student kept clicking the 
“Print” command. The printer started to churn out copy after copy of the  
kid’s ten-page report. 
The topic? “Save Our Trees.” 
Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with i. 
Millie: I is . . . 
Teacher: No, Millie. Always say, “I am.” 
Millie: Okay, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. 
You just can’t trust atoms — they make up everything. 
When my sister was in high school, she went out with the captain of the  
chess team.  
My parents loved him ’cause they figured any guy who took three hours to  
make a move was okay. 
On the first day of Hebrew School the teacher finished the lessons and  
asked for questions. 
“I’ve got one,” said a boy. “According to the Bible, the Children of Israel 
crossed the Red Sea, right?” 
“That’s right,” said the teacher. 
“And the Children of Israel defeated the Philistines and the Egyptians and  
they built the temple, and they were always doing something important,  
“All of that is correct,” agreed the instructor. “So what’s the question?” 
“Well,” demanded the boy. “What were the grownups doing?” 

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