Newsletter and jokes 20 December 2019

Hi all 
Star War: The Rise of Skywalker has landed. The film has attracted the  
usual end-of-series flack, luckily not as bad as what poor Game of Thrones 
had to endure. Ratings are decent for the genre. The film marks the official 
end of whatever a 12-part epic series is called (quadtrilogy?  
duodecilligy? dozenlogy?), although as always, Hollywood being Hollywood  
and the smell of money in the air, there is already talk of how they will  
extend the franchise. 
The rest of the line-up is rather low-key in deference to The Force, the  
only main-stream release is the low budget teen horror/thriller Always and 
Forever, which does not seem to have had a US cinematic release yet. 
Then there is a Chinese mountaineering epic, which has Jackie Chan as top 
billing even though he seems to have a more minor role, as well as the  
delectable Ziyi Zhang. That's on at the Nouveaus and similar venues. 
Lastly, Bollywood rolls out episode three in the Dabangg action series. 
It's Christmas next week, and three films are opening on Wednesday: World  
War II Pacific war epic Midway, which did not do so well overseas, and a  
new animated treat for the kiddies, Spies in Disguise. 
And then there's Cats... originally scheduled to open next Friday, it looks 
like it's been bumped up to Christmas day as well. Despite the Lloyd-Webber 
(and, I suppose, Taylor Swift) pedigree, the critics have not been kind,  
so we'll have to see how it plays as the box office. 
Enjoy :-) 
Released 20 December 2019 
* Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (3D) (PG10-12 V) 
* Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (PG10-12 V) 
* Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (3D IMAX) (PG10-12 V) 
* Always and Forever (13 LVHD) 
* Dabangg 3 (Hindi) 
* The Climbers (PG10-12 VD)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
My short-sighted son hated playing soccer at school. He wasn’t allowed to  
wear his glasses and his inability to spot the ball led to many  
embarrassing incidents. 
But none of these compared to the day he collided with someone and  
apologized profusely.  
Not seeing the ball is one thing, but saying sorry to the goalpost — how do 
you live that down? 
My two-year-old son, Lucas, was determined to buy a new toy at the dollar  
store. We were waiting in line to pay for a carefully chosen set of toy  
golf clubs when Lucas announced, “Mommy, we forgot to get something!” 
“What’s that?” I asked. 
“The hole!” 
For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom  
I carpooled to our children’s soccer practices. I phoned and explained that  
my husband had the car again, so I wouldn’t be able to take my turn. 
A few minutes before she was due to pick up my son, my husband showed up.  
Since it was too late for me to call and say I could drive after all, I  
asked my husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. I also  
explained to my son that he shouldn’t mention anything about his father’s  
Unfortunately, my husband forgot and was in front of our house chatting  
with a friend when my carpool partner arrived. When my son returned from  
practice, I asked him if she had noticed. 
“Yes,” he replied, “she asked me which of the two men in front of the house  
was my father. But don’t worry. I told her I didn’t know.” 
The crowds were gathering on Mount Olympus to watch a soccer match between  
the gods and mortals. As the teams ran out on to the pitch, the manager of  
the mortals asked the manager of the gods,  
“Who’s that character that’s half human and half horse?” 
“Oh,” replied the god’s manager, “that’s our centaur forward.” 
Our grandson’s scoutmaster must have fainted when he saw what he’d texted  
to his troop’s parents:  
“Scouts 7:00 Sharp at the Church. We will finish up Aviation, Cycling, and  
Gynecology Merit Badges.” 
That was followed by this message three minutes later:  
“Change of Plans. We will not be finishing up the Gynecology Merit Badge.  
Instead, it will be the Genealogy Merit Badge.” 
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 
I was feeling pretty old after hearing the TV reporter say,  
“To contact me, go to my Facebook page, follow me on Twitter, or try me the  
old-fashioned way: email.” 
I was showing my kids an old rotary phone when my nine-year-old asked,  
“How did you text on it?” 
My fifteen-year-old daughter roared with laughter, until a thought occurred 
to her: “Wait, where did you store your contacts?” 
The computer in my high school classroom was acting up. After watching me  
struggle with it, a student explained that my hard drive had crashed.  
So I called IT.  
“Can someone look at my computer?” I asked. “The hard drive crashed.” 
“We can’t just send people down on your say-so,” said the specialist.  
“How do you know that’s the problem?” 
“A student told me.” 
“We’ll send someone right over.” 
I’d like the window that says,  
“Are you sure you want to do this? OK/Cancel”  
to pop up less often on my computer and more in my real life. 

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