Newsletter and jokes 27 December 2019


 
Hi all 
 
So 2019 finally draws to a close. It's been a rather rough year for South 
Africa business-wise and energy-wise, and personally.  
Hopefully 2020 will see some improvements.  
 
As mentioned last week, some movies opened on Christmas Day: 
 
* Spies in Disguise (3D) (PG LV) 
* Spies in Disguise (PG LV) 
* Midway (13 LVP) 
* Cats (PG V) 
 
and Bollywood has this comedy on offer from today: 
 
* Good Newzz (Hindi) 
 
The movies (apart from Spies) were generally not well received critically.  
Audience opinion, especially regarding Cats, is generally more positive. 
 
Cats has been having a torrid time. Many critics have expressed an opinion 
along the lines of "what the heck was that?", while some members of the  
public think it's great. The studio hit the panic button after it  
effectively bombed last week in the US and UK, and rushed out a new version 
which fixed some digital glitches and badly edited scenes. Kinda like 
re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, I think. We'll have to see  
how the numbers are here, and if for example the presence of Taylor Swift 
is enough to bring in the curious. 
 
As always at this time of the year, please take care on the roads. I try to  
drive as little as possible around this time, but still saw several scary 
things ahead as I was driving. As well as one motorcyclist who didn't make 
it. My daugher is never ever getting on a motor cycle. 
 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the pic and quote on the home page 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
This Week's pinup 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper ...)  
 
Pick of the Week 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm   
 
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first. 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm  
 
List of all movies showing 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating. 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
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Some shorts... 
 
Who called them cabin crew and not cloud-based servers? 
 
“Can you think of a word for a tube or trough for protecting electric 
wiring?”  
“A conduit.”  
“Well at least have a try.”  
 
If the Queen ever writes an autobiography, I hope she calls it One on One. 
 
I shortened the rope on the bucket used to collect the village’s water.  
Didn’t go down well.  
 
I guess the sunk cost fallacy is bad and all but I’ve been making decisions  
based on it for too long to stop now. 
 
Orion’s Belt is a waist of space. 
 
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It was my friend’s first camping trip with her husband, and they were lost.  
He tried all the usual tactics to determine direction—moss on the trees  
(there was none), direction of the sun (it was overcast), and so on. 
 
Just as she began to panic, he spotted a cabin in the distance. 
“This way,” he said as he led her back to their camp. 
 
“How did you do that?” my friend asked. 
 
“Simple. In this part of the country, the satellite dishes point south.” 
 
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I purchased a new desktop-publishing program that surprised me by  
containing a make-a-paper-airplane option.  
 
I decided to give it a try. After I selected the plane I wanted, the  
software gave me a choice of accessories available for my plane, including  
a stick-up tail, adjustable flaps and an AM/FM radio.  
 
Out of curiosity I chose the AM/FM radio. 
 
The program responded with a message box stating:  
“Come on, be serious. These are just paper airplanes.” 
 
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I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a folder 
named Fireworks and Vacuums so my dog won’t find them. 
 
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Our newer, high-speed computer was in the shop for repair, and my son was  
forced to work on our old model with the black-and-white printer. 
 
“Mom,” he complained to me one day, “this is like we’re living back in the  
twentieth century.” 
 
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There are only two types of computers in the world: those that waste your  
precious time and those that waste your precious time faster. 
 
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Learning to use a voice-recognition computer program, I was excited about  
the prospect of finally being able to write more accurately than I type.  
 
First I read out loud to the computer for about an hour to train it to my  
voice, then I opened a clean page and dictated a nursery rhyme to see the  
magic. 
 
The computer recorded:  
“Murry fed a little clam, its fleas was bright and slow.” 
 
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I realized the impact of computers on my young son one evening when there  
was a dramatic sunset.  
 
Pointing to the western sky, he said “I wish we could click and save that.” 
 
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A large outdoor thermometer I had sent my son in Florida hung by his pool.  
 
One day he and his wife were standing beside it discussing the temperature.  
 
Scott was comparing the Fahrenheit scale to the Celsius scale when suddenly  
his eight-year-old daughter interrupted. 
 
“Dad, is that what the F and the C on the thermometer stand for?” 
 
Told that was right, she said,  
“Gee, all this time I thought they meant Florida and Canada.” 
 
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On one occasion while my niece Lupita was in preschool, in our eagerness to  
help her remember what it was she had learned during the week, my sister  
wrote the symbol “+” on a piece of paper and asked the girl:  
“What sign is this?” 
 
“It’s a plus,” she responded. 
 
“And what is it used for?” we asked. 
 
With an air of independence, she answered:  
“Well, it’s for turning up the volume on the television!” 
 
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A father shows up at his daughter’s home and finds his son-in-law angrily  
packing his bags. 
 
“What’s wrong?” he asks. 
 
“I texted my wife that I was coming home today from my golfing trip. And  
what did I find when I walked through the door? Her making out with Joe  
Murphy! I’m leaving!” 
 
“Now, calm down,” says his father-in-law. “There must be a simple  
explanation. I’ll find out what happened.”  
 
Moments later, he reappears. “I told you there was a simple explanation,  
and there is,” he says. “She never got your text.” 
 
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Some of my proudest moments have been when a website told me my password  
was “Very Strong.” 
 
 



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