Newsletter and jokes 17 January 2020

Hi all 
Well the schools are up and running, as best as they can be, with the usual 
chaos and hectic traffic... 
Back when I was a kid a lot of us used bikes or public transport which  
helped reduce the number of school-run cars. 
Summer has arrived down here in the Cape. Better late than never I suppose. 
At the movies this week we have award-winning director Sam Mendes' World 
War I epic 1917, which is cleverly edited so that it looks like it was all 
done in one long take ... none of that rapid-fire jump edits that action 
directors love so much. It's already won 2 Golden Globes (amongst other 
awards and noms) and is nominated for 10 (yes, 10) Oscars... so it should 
be on your "must see" list. 
Then we have more Oscar bait in the form of the French Foreign Language 
entry, Les Misérables, which is not another version of the Victor Hugo tale, 
but is so named because it is set in the area where the book was set, and 
is about the interactions between the police and the new immigrant  
Moving downmarket, we have another series reboot, this time the horror  
series The Grudge, but the new version failed to excite either the critics 
or the public. 
The subcontinent has two offerings this week, the Bollywood family comedy 
Jai Mummy Di, and the Kollywood fight action Pattas. 
And yes, we have some previews, for Bad Boys for Life.. even though both  
of them are getting on in years, there is considerable anticipation for  
this film. Previews are next Wednesday evening in most places, see the  
previews page and remember to book. 
New this week 
* 1917 (13 LV) 
* 1917 (IMAX) (13 LV) 
* Les Misérables (16 LVP CT IAT) 
* The Grudge (18 LVH) 
* Jai Mummy Di  
* Pattas   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Thanks, Ian 
A customer at a coffee shop was clearly peeved by the text message he’d  
just received.  
“You ever have that ex-girlfriend who just won’t go away?” he asked his  
“Yeah,” came the reply. “My wife.” 
“When I married Donna, I could get both hands around her waist,” said my  
husband’s grandfather.  
Pointing at his full-figured wife, he boasted,  
“Now look how much I got. That’s what I call an investment!” 
Every night, Harry goes out drinking. And every night, his wife, Louise,  
yells at him. One day, one of Louise’s friends suggests that she try a  
different tack.  
“Welcome him home with a kiss and some loving words,” she says. “He might  
change his ways.” 
That night, Harry stumbles back home as usual. But instead of berating him,  
Louise helps him into an easy chair, puts his feet up on the ottoman,  
removes his shoes, and gently massages his neck. 
“It’s late,” she whispers. “I think we should go upstairs to bed now, don’t 
“Might as well,” says Harry. “I’ll get into trouble if I go home.” 
As I picked out flowers for my mother, I noticed a man next to me juggling  
three boxes of candy and a large bouquet. 
“What did you do wrong?” I said with a laugh. 
He mumbled back, “I got married.” 
Clearly, my husband and I need to brush up on our flirting.  
The other night, after I crawled into bed next to him, he wrapped his large  
arms around me, drew a deep breath, and whispered,  
“Mmm . . . that Vicks smells good.” 
I turned to my father one night and said,  
“It’s amazing — 50 years and you never once had an affair. How do you  
account for that?” 
He replied, “I can’t drive.” 
An item on E-bay: “Antique sewing table refinished by my wife, $30.  
If she’s home, $100.” 
The wheel of my grocery cart was making a horrible scraping sound as I  
rolled it through the supermarket. Nevertheless, when I finished my  
shopping and saw a cartless woman, I offered it to her, explaining,  
“It makes an awful noise, but it works.” 
“That’s okay,” she said, taking it. “I have a husband at home like that.” 
I’m still in my first marriage.  
I know it’s wrong to talk about it so temporary like that.  
My current husband hates it when I do that. 
When my petite mother found her seat on the airplane, she was crushed  
between my 200-plus-pound father and another large man. 
“I bet you wish you’d married a smaller man,” my father said. 
My mother mumbled, “I did.” 

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