Newsletter and jokes 21 February 2020

Hi all 
There's no less than three good movies opening this week, for some version 
of "good". 
First up is the movie version of the popular retro video game Sonic the  
Hedgehog, which found more favour with the public than the critics. It 
did set a new record when it opened in the States last week, with the  
crowds loving it. 
Then we have two movies aimed at an older audience, first up is the latest  
version of the classic novel Little Women, which comes with a stacked 
awards shelf.  
That's joined by the legal drama Just Mercy, with Jamie Foxx dropping the  
comedy to do some serious work. 
Switching to the more niche markets, we have a sequel to Brahms: The Boy,  
which delivers more horror similar to the first in the series. 
Then Bollywood also jumps on the horror series bandwagon, with the first 
of what is meant to be series landing today, in the form of Bhoot: Part One 
- The Haunted Ship. The other offering from Bollywood is also something 
of a first (as best I can tell) ... a gay romance. 
No previews this week. 
Enjoy :-) 
New this week 
* Sonic the Hedgehog (PG V 
* Little Women (PG7-9 VPD 
* Just Mercy (13 LVP 
* Brahms: The Boy (II 13 VH 
* Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (Hindi) 
* Bhoot: Part One - The Haunted Ship (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Thanks, Ian 
When my four-year-old son got on his first bicycle, I told him,  
“Step back on the pedals and the bike will brake.” 
He nodded, then proceeded to ride straight into a bush. 
“Why didn’t you push back on the pedals?” I asked, helping him up. 
“You said that if I did, the bike would break.” 
When I announced that I was getting married, my excited mother said,  
“You have to have the rehearsal dinner someplace opulent, where there’s  
My father, seeing where this was heading, said,  
“I’ll pay you a thousand dollars to elope.” 
“And you have to have a breakfast, for the people who are coming from out  
of town.” 
“Two thousand.” 
“We’ll need a photographer. Oh, and what colors do you want for the  
“Five thousand!” 
We eloped to Spain. 
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. 
I asked my brother-in-law, the father of four boys,  
“If you had it to do all over again, would you still have kids?” 
“Yes,” he said. “Just not these four.” 
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with  
slow Internet to see who they really are. 
Three guys are talking about what constitutes fame.  
The first guy defines it as being invited to the White House for a chat  
with the president. 
“Nah,” says the second guy. “Real fame would be if the red phone rang when  
you were there, and the president wouldn’t take the call.” 
“You’re both wrong,” says the third. “Fame is when you’re in the Oval  
Office and the red phone rings, the president answers it, listens for a  
second, and then says, “It’s for you.” 
Service in the restaurant was abysmally slow.  
My husband was starting to flip out, so I tried to distract him with small  
“You know,” I said, “our friend Christi should be having her baby anytime  
“Really?” my husband snapped. “She wasn’t even pregnant when we walked in  
Three and a half agonizing hours at the Department of Motor Vehicles put me  
in a foul mood. I was still in a funk when I stopped at a store to buy a  
baseball bat for my son.  
“Cash or charge?” the young woman clerk asked. 
“Cash,” I snapped. Then I quickly apologized. “I’m sorry. I just spent half 
the day in line at the DMV.” 
“Would you like me to wrap the bat,” she chirped,  
“or do you plan to go back?” 
One weekend, car horns sounded after a wedding near our home.  
Charlie, my five-year-old, asked me what was happening.  
“People like to beep their horns after a couple is married,” I explained. 
“Why?” he wondered. “Is it a warning?” 
The minute I walked into the post office, the postmaster noticed the new  
earrings my husband had given me. 
“Those must be real diamonds,” she said. 
“Yes,” I said. “How could you tell?” 
“Because,” she said, “no one buys fake diamonds that small.” 
While at a convention, Bill, Jim, and Scott shared a hotel suite on the  
75th floor. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to find that  
the hotel elevators were broken and that they’d have to climb all the way  
up to their room. 
“I have a way to break the monotony,” said Bill. “I’ll tell jokes for 25  
flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25, and Scott can tell sad stories  
the rest of the way.” 
As they started walking up, Bill told his first joke. At the 26th floor,  
Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor, it was Scott’s turn. 
“I will tell my saddest story first,” he said. “Once there was a man who  
left the room key in the car.” 
As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns,  
I knew the end was in sight. 

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