Newsletter and jokes 13 March 2020

Hi all 
As we all start adjusting to Life With Corona and Loadshedding, we have a  
mixed bag of new films to take your mind off things. 
First up is one of the contenders for SA's entry to the Oscars, the gay 
army drama Moffie. Staying with men in uniform, we also have Clint  
Eastwood's examination of wrong accusations in the Oscar-nominated Richard 
Lastly from the quality end of the spectrum, another remake of the popular 
Jane Austen novel Emma, which is pleasant enough without setting the 
screen on fire. 
Moving to the more mass-appeal side, only one option here, with different 
formats: Vin Diesel in the comic-book adaption Bloodshot, which didn't  
really impress the critics (as is to be expected) but should find favour 
with certain segments of the movie-going public. 
Bollywood only has one offering this week, the comedy-drama Angrezi Medium. 
On the previews side, there are previews on Sunday most places for the  
faith-based drama I Still Believe. See the previews page and rememember to 
book :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
New this week 
* Onward (3D) (PG V) 
* Onward (PG V) 
* Onward (3D IMAX) (PG V) 
* Gretel & Hansel (13 VH) 
* The Photograph (13 LS) 
* The Gentlemen (18 LSVD) 
* Baaghi 3 (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Thanks, Ian 
When people hear that my husband and I just celebrated our 60th wedding  
anniversary, they inevitably ask us the secret to our long, successful  
marriage. In response, my husband will smile sweetly, nod my way, and  
explain, “We both love me.” 
My 11 year old takes his homework seriously. One question required him to  
write a sentence using the word ‘version’.  
His sentence: “Have you heard of the version Mary?” 
I held a garage sale with my little blond cairn terrier for company. 
Soon came the first customer. 
He took his time browsing and examining everything I had out for sale.  
Eventually he found something that interested him.  
“Excuse me,” he said. “How much for the dog?” 
My brother recently ran into a woman he’d gone to school with many years  
earlier. After they caught up, she showed him a picture of her daughter.  
“Wow,” he said. “She doesn’t look anything like you. She’s pretty.” 
My four-year-old son, Jaden, loves babies.  
Recently he voiced his wish for a baby sister.  
The next day, while we waited at the doctor’s office, Jaden noticed a  
poster of a doctor and a mother holding her newborn baby. 
Jaden exclaimed, “Oh! Are the doctors giving away free babies?” 
As the customer approaches a shop, he notices this large sign on the door:  
He carefully enters the shop, but once inside all he sees is a fat old dog 
asleep on the floor.  
“Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” he asks the shop owner. 
“Yep, that’s him,” the owner says.  
“He doesn’t look dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?” 
“Because,” says the owner, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping  
over him.” 
My wife keeps telling everyone that she can read their minds, but she 
never can.  
She’s telepathetic. 
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?  
A pouch potato. 
A plumber fixes a leak in a doctor’s house, then bills him for $1000. 
“This is ridiculous!” the doctor says. “I don’t even charge that much.” 
The plumber says, “Neither did I when I was a doctor.” 
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.  
All I did was take a day off. 
Overheard at a paint store: 
CUSTOMER: How much for a litre of that paint? 
ASSISTANT: Forty-two rand.  
CUSTOMER: Do you have a smaller litre? 

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