Newsletter and jokes 16 October 2020


 
Hi all 
 
This week's two new releases have issues in the quality department, so  
there are compensations... 
 
First up, for the kiddies, is another undersea fishy tale that does owe 
something to Finding Nemo. That's joined by a Bollywood sequel which set  
the wrong kind of record ... the trailer got the most downvotes in 24 hours 
on YouTube. 
 
As compensation, next week's big release, the action thriller Greenland, 
is showing all weekend at most venues. 
 
But wait! There's more! The first three Harry Potter movies are now gracing 
the big IMAX screens.. so go and match some big magic at your nearest IMAX 
:-) 
 
Enjoy! :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
New this week 
 
* Magic Arch (PG LV) 
* Sadak 2 (Hindi) 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the pic and quote on the home page 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
This Week's pinup 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper ...)  
 
Pick of the Week 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm   
 
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first. 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm  
 
List of all movies showing 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating. 
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Thanks, Ian 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
A gust of wind through an open living room window blew over a tall lamp,  
causing it to smash the curved glass side of a priceless antique French  
cabinet. 
 
I was distraught.  
 
Thank goodness my six-year-old son was there to console me.  
“Don’t worry, Daddy,” he said.  
“It was old.” 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
My wife and I decided we’ll need a vacation once the world re opens.  
 
I taped a world map to the refrigerator, gave my wife a magnetic dart, and  
said, “Wherever it lands is our vacation spot!”  
 
Seems we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Picky eaters ... 
 
“My kid can’t eat onion rings because, although he loves onion rings,  
recently he learned they contain onions.” 
 
“Because she asked for cheese and crackers, not crackers and cheese.” 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Scene: Woman buying wine and cookies  
 
Cashier: Do you want your receipt? 
 
Woman: Does this look like a transaction I want to remember? 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Over the loudspeaker at LAX:  
 
Would a dog by the name of Ray please report to gate 2.  
Your owner is waiting for you at gate 2. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Friend 1: I need to go to therapy, but I can’t afford it. 
 
Friend 2: That’s OK, just write down all your problems and I’ll tell them  
to MY therapist, pretend they’re MY problems, and tell you  what advice she  
gives me. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
I would never name-drop. It’s tacky. My best friend, Gwyneth Paltrow,  
taught me that. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Some say never meet your heroes. But I say if you are really blessed, you  
get them as your parents. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
We recently had dinner at my son and daughter-in-law’s home. She had  
prepared a beautiful pecan pie for dessert, but I do not eat refined sugar  
in an attempt to lessen inflammation from my rheumatoid arthritis. 
 
My young grandson generously set two pecans on my empty plate.  
 
“These are for you, Grandma,” he said.  
 
“Thank you, sweetheart, but these pecans are coated with sugar,” I replied.  
 
“No, Grandma, there is no sugar on these. I licked it all off.” 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
My two-year-old nephew asked how my brother - his other uncle — and I 
were related. I explained that we have the same mommy, which makes us 
brothers.  
 
Then I asked him, “You and your brother Rafi have the same mommy — what 
does that make you?” 
 
Without missing a beat, he replied, “Happy!” 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Client: Can you make that color better? Or maybe use a cooler font? 
 
Me: That’s really not helpful feedback. 
 
Client: OK. Make it nicer, then. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Spotting a candle in my dentist’s bathroom with the helpful inscription  
“CALMING,” I smiled cynically and thought, Oh sure.  
 
Later, as I nervously settled into the dental chair, I told my dentist 
that his candle wasn’t working.  
 
He replied, “That’s for us.” 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
A little old lady had just returned home from an evening church service 
when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the midst of  
robbing her home, she yelled, “STOP! ACTS 2:38!” 
 
(That’s the one that goes, “Repent and be baptized, in the name of the  
Lord, so that your sins may be forgiven.”) 
 
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police  
to explain what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, 
he asked the burglar,  
 
“Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell scripture.” 
 
“Scripture?” replied the burglar, stunned. “She said she had an ax and  
two .38s!” 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
You come from dust. 
 
You will return to dust. 
 
That is why I don’t dust. 
 
It could be someone I know. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
A linguistics professor is lecturing.  
 
“In English,” he says, “a double negative forms a positive. But in Russian,  
a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language in 
which a double positive forms a negative.” 
 
A student at the back of the room snorts, 
 
“Yeah, right.” 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



Xax International logo
 Xax International
 2019
 All rights reserved.