Newsletter and jokes 30 October 2020

Hi all 
The last two episodes in the Harry Potter saga are now gracing 
the big IMAX screens, for this week only. 
With the American "Halloween" tomorrow, there are previews most places for  
next week's film version of Roald Dahl's The Witches, with Anne Hathaway. 
Some places have multiple shows throughout the day, see the previews page 
for details. 
The new releases today also tip their hat in the horror direction, starting 
with the Korean offering "Peninusula" about zombies, and Hollywood's  
mom-against-evil-force Antebellum. 
Sticking with strong female leads, the South African film "Flatland" is  
about crime and female bonding in the harsh Karoo, while the British  
"Summerland" is about female bonding during the dark days of WW II. 
Lastly, a more family-targetted release to lighten things up, "The War With 
Grandpa" is something of a comedic mashup between "Meet the Parents" and  
"Home Alone". 
Enjoy! :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
New this week 
* The War with Grandpa (PG7-9 LV IAT) 
* Flatland (18 LSVPD) 
* Antebellum (18 LVPD SV) 
* Peninsula (16 LVH) 
* Summerland (PG10-12 PD)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (phone wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Thanks, Ian 
I tried having my mother’s phone disconnected, but the customer service  
rep told me that since the account was in my dad’s name, he’d have to be  
the one to put in the request. The fact that he’d been dead for 40 years  
didn’t sway her. 
Then a solution hit me: “If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off 
the service, right?”  
“Well, yes,” she said reluctantly. “But that would ruin his credit rating.” 
My husband and his sister are notorious talkers. They can hold court on any  
subject and yak for hours.  
One day, he called her. All he had to say was “Hi”, and that launched her  
into a marathon session, going on about this, that, and the other. 
When she finally paused to come up for air, she had just one question:  
“Who am I talking to?” 
There are good cheese puns and bad cheese puns.  
Between them, there’s a gruyerea. 
When should you go on a cheese diet? 
If you need to cheddar a few kilograms. 
A cheese walks into a bar.  
The barman says: “We don’t serve your rind here.” 
What does cheese say to itself in the mirror? 
Looking Gouda... 
Why did the cheese lose a fight with a stone? 
Because the roquefort back. 
Did you hear about the cheese that failed? 
It fell at the final curdle. 
A hipster from the city moved to the country and bought a piece of land.  
He went to the local feed and livestock store and boasted to the proprietor  
about how he was going to take up chicken farming and make a lot of money.  
He then asked to buy 100 chicks. 
“That’s a lot of chicks,” commented the proprietor. 
“I mean business,” said the hipster. 
A week later the hipster was back. 
“I need another 100 chicks,” he said. 
“You’re really serious about chicken farming,” the proprietor commented. 
“Yeah,” the hipster replied. “If I can iron out a few problems.” 
“Problems?” asked the proprietor.  
“Yeah,” replied the hipster, “I think I planted that last batch too 
close together.” 
JUDGE: Sir, you have been charged with stealing penguins from the zoo. 
ME: I needed groomsmen for my wedding, your honour. 
“I had to borrow money for my wedding garb. The only two things in life  
that are certain are debt and tuxes.” 
GURU: We all attract what we fear. 
ME: I am absolutely terrified of ten billion dollars. 
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages. The wife was  
a romantic type, and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.  
One afternoon, the wife decided to send her husband a text. She wrote,  
“If you are laughing, send me your smile.  
If you are crying, send me your tears.  
And if you are sleeping, send me your dreams. I love you.” 
Her husband texted back, 
“I’m on the toilet, please advise.”  
What happens when an artist has trouble finding inspiration? 
She draws a blank. 
Alice: “Look what a lovely engagement ring George has given me.” 
Grace: “Yes; it’s lovely. It nearly broke my heart when I had to send it  
Doctor to patient: 
“Before you tell me about your diet, I should warn you, I follow you on  

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