Newsletter and jokes 4 December 2020

Hi all 
Holiday time is here, with a new animated treat for the kiddies... a  
sequel to The Croods, featuring some top voice talent. 
Note that the age restriction has been appealed and may change. 
The rest of the lineup is aimed at an older audience. First up is the  
re-release of a Japanese animated classic, Akira, upgraded to the big IMAX  
The big adult release this week is an alternative Christmas tale, Fatman, 
with Mel Gibson and Walton Goggins. Keeping within the violent crime genre,  
a new Afrikaans film, set in the cape Flats and on limited release, looks 
at vigilante justice in Bloed Betaal. 
American Dream is another crime thriller, a cautionary tale about dealing 
with the Russian mob.  
Lastly, Monster Hunter is releasing next week, with the IMAX version   
rolling out early on Wednesday. 
Enjoy! :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
New this week 
* The Croods: A New Age (3D) (PG7-9 V) 
* The Croods: A New Age  (PG7-9 V) 
* Fatman (16 LVD) 
* Akira (IMAX) (probably 16) 
* Bloed Betaal (probably 16 LVD) 
* American Dream (probably 16 LVD)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Thanks, Ian 
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his  
paintings on display at that time. 
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that  
a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in  
value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your  
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" 
"The guy was your doctor..." 
A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people  
on bikes. 
My dogs don't even own bikes. 
What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?  
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired. 
I never wanted to believe my brother was stealing from his job as a road  
But when I got home, all the signs were there. 
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't  
actually mine. 
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up. 
I would make a Sodium joke 
But Na 
My math teacher called me average... 
How mean! 
I dig,  
you dig,  
we dig,  
he digs,  
she digs,  
they dig. 
It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep... 
A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few  
weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. 
One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came  
down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then  
did so the following day and the day after that, until finally the retiree  
decided it was time to take some action. 
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the boys as they banged their way  
down the street. Stopping them, he said: "You kids are a lot of fun. I used  
to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favour? I'll  
give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do  
your thing". 
The boys were more than happy and continued to bang the bins. After a few  
days, the old man greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile  
on his face. 
"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them.  
"I'm going to have to cut it down to 50 cents a day to keep banging the  
bins." The kids were obviously unimpressed but they accepted the reduction  
in payment and continued their afternoon activities. 
A few days later, the man approached them again. "Look," he said,  
"I haven't received my payment yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you  
more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?" 
"That's it?" the 'drum leader' exclaimed. "If you think we're going to  
waste our time beating these around for 25 cents each a day, you're nuts!  
No way, mister. We quit!"  
And the man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days. 
When can women make you a millionaire?  
When you're a billionaire. 
Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race. 
Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs... 

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