Newsletter and jokes 15 January 2021

Hi all 
No new releases this week, but next week's wide release, The Marksman with 
Liam Neeson, is showing both Saturday and Sunday at most venues. 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus.  
That is how I lost my job as a bus driver. 
Eight hours into his trial Paddy pleads guilty. 
"Why didn't you plead guilty at the beginning and save the court's time?"  
The judge demanded. 
"Well," Paddy responded, "until I heard all the evidence I thought I was  
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car.  
The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger  
and pick the lock?"  
The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."  
The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the  
The other one answered," No, people will think we're too stupid to use the  
coat hanger."  
The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's  
starting to rain and the sunroof is open." 
While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a  
beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his  
"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get  
the most attractive wives." 
His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!" 
Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting.  
They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something.  
The first redneck says to the other, "If you get lost, fire three shots  
into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you."  
After about three hours, the second redneck finds he is really lost.  
He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him.  
He then waits an hour and does it again.  
He repeats this until he is out of ammo.  
The next morning, the first redneck finds the second with the help of  
forest rangers.  
He asks the second redneck man if he did what he told him to do.  
The redneck answers, "Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on  
the hour until I ran out of arrows." 
"I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you  
were seeing your dentist?"  
"That's right, Sir." 
"So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?"  
"That was my dentist." 
A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place  
far off, to meet this friend.  
She reached there in a few hours.  
After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her  
mother to expect her in the evening.  
But she didn't reach home in the evening and not the next day either. 
When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother ran  
and asked her what happened?  
She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,  
"These car designers are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but  
only one for going back!" 
A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde,  
so she decided to hang herself. 
A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists. 
"What are you doing." they ask her. 
So she replies "Hanging myself." 
The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging youself, you put the  
rope around your neck." 
The blonde says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breathe." 
Paddy and Murphy were doing a crossword. 
Paddy asks, "How do you spell paint"? 
Murphy replies, "What colour?" 
Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?" 
Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me." 

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