Newsletter and jokes 29 January 2021

Hi all 
There's only one new release this week, Ip Man 4: The Finale, which was  
previously set to go out this time last year, but, you know, pandemic ... 
We never even got to see the first three episodes on the big screen :-( 
Given the nature of the film, being art-marketish-kung-fu-with-subtitles,  
it is in limited release. 
The distributors have shuffled the release dates around again... at the  
moment it looks like next week wiil be the second Week With Nothing New  
this year. 
New this week: 
* Ip Man 4: The Finale (13 LVP)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Full HD wallpaper ...)  
Pick of the Week   
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Top Twenty, Best and Worst Movies by Critical Rating.  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future  
His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him:  
"You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know  
everything about you."  
The frog is thrilled, "This is great!  
"Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks.  
"No," says the psychic, "in biology class." 
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out  
some of the rules.  
"The female hostel will be prohibited for all male students, and the male  
dormitory to the female students.  
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time."  
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be  
fined $100.  
Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200.  
Are there any questions?"  
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?" 
English Class Teacher: "One day we will be corruption free. Which tense is  
Student: "Future impossible tense." 
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."  
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents." 
A student comes to a young professor's office hours.  
She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.  
"I would do anything to pass this exam."  
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his  
"I mean..." she whispers, " 
I would do...anything."  
He returns her gaze.  
His voice softens.  
"Absolutely anything." 
His voice turns to a whisper. 
Mom: What did you do at school today? 
Mark: We did a guessing game. 
Mom: But I thought you were having a maths exam. 
Mark: That’s right! 
When Chuck Norris was in high school, his English teacher assigned an  
essay:  "What is courage?"  
He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top. 
Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with a direct object? 
Student: You are pretty. 
Teacher: What’s the direct object? 
Student: A good report card. 
Billy, learned at school that everybody has secrets.  
So, he decided to take advantage of it. 
One day, as he came home from school, he went in front of his mother and  
told her: "Mommy, mommy! I know everything!" 
His mom, obviously scared to death: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING 
to your father about it, okay?" 
"Okay mommy!" says Billy and leaves the room with a big smile on his face. 
When his dad came from work, he did the same to him as well: "Daddy, daddy! 
I found out everything!" 
Numb, his father puts his hand on his pocket: "Here, take a 100 euros and  
say NOTHING to your mother, okay?" 
"Okay!" says Billy with a bigger smile on his face. 
The next morning, on his way to school, he sees the Postman.  
He thought he could try it to him too: "Mr. Focker, I know everything!" 
The Postman, the minute he heard it, fell on his knees  and wide opened his 
arms: "Then, come... Come closer... My son!" 
Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?" 
Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" 
Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will  
you do at school tomorrow?" 
Patrick, "What school?" 

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