Newsletter and jokes 5 March 2021

Hi all 
The Golden Globe awards took place last week-end, here's the winners:  
Only two new releases this week, things should start picking up a bit for  
the next few weeks at least, until we see what winter delivers. 
Both films are on wide release. First up, for the kiddie/family market, is 
Tom & Jerry, where the two cartoon favourites finally make it to the big  
screen in feature-length, in a combination of cartoon and live action. 
For a slightly older audience, Eddie Murphy rolls out a sequel/remake of  
his award-winning similarly-titled film from 1988, in Coming 2 America. 
On the previews side, ther are some previews next Thursday for next week's  
Bollywood comedy horror, Roohi. 
New this week: 
* Tom & Jerry (PG V) 
* Coming 2 America (PG10-12 LVP)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (HD cellphone wallpaper ...)  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
She had a tongue that would clip a hedge. 
The clock-hands were closing like scissor blades on midnight, snipping off  
another day. 
She was throwing herself away, perhaps, but she was taking careful aim. 
They clucked over their grains of gossip.  
Restless as a windshield wiper. 
She listens to what you don’t say and never misses a word. 
Her look hung a price tag on every object in the room. 
As hard to catch as a waiter’s eye. 
Irrevocable as a haircut. 
Her hat always looked as if it had made a forced landing upon her head. 
The secret was hushed about from place to place. 
A famous politician trying to save both his faces. 
I won’t be highbrow beaten.  
The kind of man who remembers your age but forgets your birthday. 
As unplanned as a hiccup. 
He dresses like an unmade bed. 
As uncomfortable as an after-thought. 
He had a good memory and a tongue hung in the middle of it. 
Her line of conversation was as interesting as a laundry list. 
Her voice stamped its foot just a little. 
She didn’t want advice: she only used you as a waste basket for her worries. 
He talks like a dictionary on its best behaviour. 
He received the news with his eyebrows. 
The town was so small that when the train stopped, the engine was out in  
the country. 
She has a small mind but knows it thoroughly. 
He felt like a wet towel flung into a corner of a bathroom. 
Applying for a sales job at the local fabric shop, my sister-in-law was 
given a short test of her knowledge of measurements and calculations. 
The owner was amazed when she answered all ten questions correctly, and  
immediately offered to hire her.  
“You wouldn’t believe,” he said with a deep sigh, “how many people get  
seven or eight wrong on this test.” 
“Oh yes, I would,” she replied. “They’ve been waiting on me for years.” 
For many years, I was a university theatre director.  
My wife was once asked by one of her clients about her plans for the coming  
“I think I’m going to watch my husband’s play,” she replied. 
“Oh,” the client said. “How many do you have?” 
Hairdressers, like bartenders, are expected to listen sympathetically 
when needed. One Friday morning, a regular customer came in, sat down, 
and as I flung the towel round her neck, asked,  
“Now where did I leave  off last week?” 
To prove his love for her, he climbed the highest mountain, swam the  
deepest swam the deepest river and crossed  he wildest desert. 
She left him. He was never home. 
Two mussels munched chocolate bars  while a couple of fish watched.  
“Did  you see that?” said one of the fish.  “They didn’t offer us a single 
“What do you expect?” replied the  other. “They’re two shellfish.” 
A fellow walked into a pharmacy and headed to the  back to speak with the  
“Do you have anything  for hiccups?” he asked. 
Without warning, the pharmacist reached over and smacked the man 
 on the shoulder. 
“Did that help?” he asked. 
“I don’t know,” replied the startled  man.  
“I’ll have to ask my wife.  She’s waiting in the car.” 
“I’ve had an awful time,” a boy told his friends.  
“First, I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was  
recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics and, to top it all,  
tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.” 
‘Wow!” sympathised his friends. “How did you pull through?” 
“I don’t know,” the boy replied. “It was the toughest spelling test I’ve  
ever had.” 
“I just do not understand my parents,” said a downcast university student.  
“I told them I needed money to buy a chair and they sent me the chair.” 

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