Newsletter and jokes 26 March 2021

Hi all 
There's a major battle raging at the cinemas this week, as Godzilla and Kong 
have their final showdown. May the best beast win! :-) 
The only other mainstream release this week is more Oscar bait, with 
Anthony Hopkins starring in the role written for him as The Father. The  
film is already well-decorated and will appeal to serious movie-goers. 
Bollywood has two offerings this week, the fantasy drama about elephant  
conservation Haathi Mere Saathi, and the female badmington biopic, Saina. 
On the previews side, there are multiple previews all over on Saturday for  
the "coward of the county" action thriller, Nobody. See the Previews page 
and remember to book. 
New this week: 
* Godzilla vs. Kong (3D) (PG10-12 V PPS) 
* Godzilla vs. Kong (PG10-12 V PPS) 
* Godzilla vs. Kong (3D IMAX) (PG10-12 V PPS) 
* The Father (13 LV) 
* Haathi Mere Saathi (Hindi) 
* Saina (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Full HD wallpaper ...)  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A male colleague told us at work that it was his wife’s birthday. 
“What are you getting for her?” enquired another colleague. 
“Make me an offer!” he responded. 
Parental Guidance 
Establish dominance by replying to your kid’s ‘Knock knock’ joke with 
‘Door’s open’.  
The waitress was not moving much from the other side of the café, so I  
waved at her to get attention. When she turned her head towards us, I gave  
what I believed was the universally accepted hand sign to signal that we 
wanted the bill – holding out one hand and using the other to simulate  
writing on it.  
A few minutes later she came to our table, smiled and gave us a blank  
notepad and a pen! 
My two sons were sitting next to each other in church. Tomos was giggling  
and fidgeting a lot. Finally, his big brother Ben had had enough. 
“You’re not allowed to be loud in church.” 
“Who’s going to stop me?” Tomos answered cheekily. 
Ben pointed to the back of the church and Tomos looked over.  
“See those two men by the big door? 
They’re hushers!” 
At my best friend Natasha’s 50th birthday party, her son, who was ten at  
the time, asked his dad why he had married later in life.  
He replied that he was waiting to find someone very special. 
Natasha looked very happy, until her son asked,  
“And did you find her, Dad?” 
My neighbour was working in his garden when suddenly a car came crashing  
through his hedge and ended up on his front lawn. He rushed to help the  
driver, an elderly lady.  
“You appear a bit old to be  driving,” he said. 
“I am!” she replied proudly.  
“I’m so old that I don’t even need a licence anymore.” 
“Really?” he asked sceptically. “And how did you manage that?” 
“The last time I went to my doctor,” she explained, “he asked to see my  
licence. Then he said, ‘You won’t be needing this anymore,’ cut it up, and  
threw it away.  
So I thanked him and drove home!” 
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions?  
I do. 
Sometimes I stay up so late that I hear go-getters leaving for their 
morning runs.  
It feels like the closest thing to getting lapped in real life. 
I’m currently trying to sell a thermos with absolutely no capacity for any 
It’s a tankless flask. 
What we tell our children 364 days of the year: Do NOT eat anything you  
find on the ground.  
Easter: Go and search in the dirt for chocolate a strange giant bunny left  
for you, kids! 
Q: What do you call an Easter egg from outer space? 
A: Egg-stra terrestrial. 
Q: How do you make Easter easier?  
A: Replace the ‘t’ with an ‘i’. 
Q: Why did the Easter Bunny have to fire the duck? 
A: Because he kept quacking the eggs! 
Q: What do you call a line of rabbits jumping backwards? 
A: A receding hare-line. 
Q: What do you call a mischievous Easter egg? 
A: A practical yolker. 
Q: What do you call the Easter Bunny the day after Easter? 
A: Eggshausted. 

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