Newsletter and jokes 23 April 2021

Hi all 
It's the Oscar Awards on Sunday, and the Razzies tomorrow. Should be fun :-) 
Only two new releases this week, and, unlike last week, this week's big 
release, Vanquish, is more likely to be up for a Razzie than an Oscar next  
year. Though probably those seeking escapist entertainment will enjoy this 
payback actioner. 
Also releasing for the very little ones is the third episode in the Maya the  
Bee series, with the usual sort of happy-ending story.  
No previews this week. Enjoy the long weekend and holidays :-) 
New this week: 
* Maya the Bee 3: The Golden Orb (PG) 
* Vanquish (16 LVD)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Full HD wallpaper ...)  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Life in lock-down 
Hearing my wife in meetings and it dawns on me that she uses personnel  
management techniques on me all the time.  
A funny thing about quarantining is hearing your partner in full work mode  
for the first time. Like, I’m married to a ‘let’s circle back’ guy... 
I’m married to the guy who calls everyone ‘Chief’. 
Imagine being a spy right now, stuck at home trying to convince your family 
you have a normal job. 
Our local pet store’s pandemic rules were laid out on a sign that read,  
“Please maintain six feet between you and others. That’s two Great Danes,  
four cats or 16 hamsters.” 
James received a bill for his recent surgery and was astonished to see a  
$900 charge for the anaesthesiologist.  
He called the office to demand an explanation. “Is this some kind of  
mistake?” he asked when he got the doctor on the phone. 
“No, not at all,” the doctor said calmly.  
“Well,” said James, irritated, “that’s awfully costly for just knocking 
someone out!” 
“Not really,” replied the doctor. “I knocked you out for free. The 
charge is for bringing you back.” 
Kid: Mommy, why are all the cars beeping their hooters? 
Mom: Because there’s a wedding going on.  
Kid: But Mommy, isn’t the hooter a warning signal? 
Mom: Exactly, son. 
* Antihoaxamine 
* Placebonol 
* Badsidefex 
* Vitamin Conspira-C 
* Probablynotjustsaline 
* Pharmaprofitol 
* Professor Fauci’s Original Olde Time Miracle Elixir and Wing Sauce 
* Rushed2marketol 
My eldest child was born five years after my husband and I got married.  
Today we found out she’s mad at us for not inviting her to the wedding. 
After I finished reading Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs to my five-year-old  
daughter, she ran to her father and asked him,  
“Dad, will you bring me a step-mother after mum dies?” 
A few years ago, my mom was teaching a class of second graders.  
One day I was at her school during recess and saw a girl and a boy sitting  
on the floor in the hallway. The girl was crying, and the boy looked angry.  
I asked what they were doing.  
In the most serious voice a second grader could muster, the boy responded,  
“Talking about our relationship.” 
Prior to dinner, my 80-year-old mother-in-law stopped off at the beauty  
“All the women did was complain about their husbands,” she said over our  
“Did you complain about your husband?” I asked, adding a sly nod toward my 
“I didn’t have to,” she said. “They all know him.” 
I have been a scoundrel all my life. Selfish, cruel at times, 
hard to work with. I’m grateful that so many have given me a 
second chance. That’s when we’re at our best—when we support 
each other. Not when we cancel each other out for our past mistakes, 
but when we help each other grow, when we educate each other, 
when we guide each other to redemption. 
                                        Joaquin Phoenix, actor 

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