Newsletter and jokes 30 April 2021

Hi all 
The tail end of the holidays ... 
A small line-up this week as people get back into work mode. 
First up, on the art-end of the market, is the mind-games cold war spy  
thriller, The Courier. 
That's joined by the gritty more muscular adults-only Wrath of Man, with 
Guy Ritchie and Jason Statham delivering more of what fans have come to 
expect from them. You can also catch it on the big IMAX screens. 
No previews this week. 
New this week: 
* The Courier (PG10-12 LV) 
* Wrath of Man (16 LV CT) 
* Wrath of Man (IMAX) (16 LV CT)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (Cellphone wallpaper ...)  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Looking out of a restaurant window, I noticed a woman struggling to 
parallel park. After a good few minutes of watching her move backwards and  
forwards, I went outside to offer my help, which she readily accepted.  
After I parked her car, a man came over to thank me.  
“You’re welcome,” I said. “Are you her husband?” 
“No,” he replied. “I’m the guy parked behind her.” 
My granddaughter’s life philosophy: 
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy cows.  
Cows can make milk, and milk can make ice cream,  
and ice cream can make you happy.” 
I was out with my 11-year-old grandson for a picnic in the park and it was  
a lovely day. I looked up at the sky and asked,  
“Do you know  what clouds are made up of?” 
Without looking up from his mobile phone, he retorted,  
“Sure, Nana, music files!” 
Is there rehab for gossiping?  
I don’t need it, but I’ll tell you who does ... 
When I was in my 20s, I had a streak of grey hair.  
One day, a complete stranger noticed and said,  
“I really like your grey hair. Where did you get it done?” 
“Oh, thanks,” I said. “It’s natural.”  
She recoiled. “Oh my, what are you going to do about it?” 
A student stopped me in the hallway to say that she’d just learned that her  
mother had had me as a teacher.  
Then, after looking me up and down, she asked,  
“Did you used to be good-looking?” 
As a wannabe musician, I took advantage of an opportunity to play with a  
local recorder group.  
During a break in our first rehearsal, the woman sitting next to me, an 
accomplished musician, said, “You have a beautiful vibrato!” 
I was basking in the glow of her praise when she added, “You’re not 
supposed to.” 
“Happy birthday! You don’t look 60, but I remember when you did!” 
We adopted our daughter from China when she was nine, and we soon  
discovered that common English-language phrases and idioms didn’t always  
come easily. 
Case in point, the time she tried to praise me for being outgoing and  
having lots of friends. 
With a great big smile she declared,  
“When I grow up, I want to be a big mouth just like you!” 
Among my all-time favourite movies is Babe. For years, whenever 
I wanted to compliment someone, I’d quote the film’s famous line:  
“That’ll do, Pig, that’ll do.” 
Recently, I finally got my husband to watch the movie with me.  
When that scene came on, he turned to me, stunned. “It’s a compliment? 
All these years I thought you were insulting me!” 
Our boss at the factory was a grump with a management philosophy that  
harked back to the sweatshops of old. A shift without being sworn at  
multiple times was considered a win.  
But one day, after I spotted and corrected a problem with one of the  
machines, he offered me the highest compliment he could think of.  
“Rich,” he said, “you’re stinking less at this job all the time.” 
Back when my daughter was an infant, I was out pushing her in the stroller  
when a woman stopped us on the street. 
“My goodness, what a beautiful baby!” she remarked.  
“Does she look like her father?” 
The first day of university can be disorienting, even for returning 
I was walking in the lobby of one of our main buildings when a second-year  
student stopped me. 
“Excuse me,” he said, looking lost. “Is the third floor still upstairs?” 

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