Newsletter and jokes 13 August 2021

Hi all 
We celebrate Women's Month with two films featuring strong female leads. 
First up, from Marvel/Disney, is Black Widow, which is showing all over, in 
2D, 3D and 3D IMAX, for the big experience. 
That's joined by the Aretha Franklin biopic, Respect, which was the title  
of her biggest hit and signature tune. 
On the previews side there are previews all over tomorrow for next week's  
PAW Patrol: The Movie, aimed squarely at the little ones. There's a  
single premiere next Thursday for Reminiscence, and also previews for  
Bollywood's Bellbottom. See the previews page and remeber to book. 
Enjoy! :-) 
New this week: 
* Black Widow (3D) (13 LV) 
* Black Widow (13 LV) 
* Black Widow (3D IMAX) (13 LV) 
* Respect (16 LVDP)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
My daughter told me she wanted a pony but I had to tell her that it was 
impossible as her dad was allergic to horses.  
She had a think about this and then asked again.  
“When Dad dies, can I have a horse?” 
On a trip to a rural village, a friend of mine stopped off at the only shop 
in town to buy a newspaper.  
However, all the shop had was the previous day’s edition.  
“Excuse me,” he asked the shop owner, “do you have today’s newspaper?” 
“Yes, I do,” answered the man. “It’ll be here tomorrow.” 
After our Siamese kitten ran up our expensive curtains, snagging them, my  
wife took him to the veterinarian to have him neutered, hoping it would  
calm him down. 
A few weeks later, my sister-in-law brought her new boyfriend over to meet  
us. Before entering the house, she offered him this bit of advice:  
“Whatever you do, don’t touch the curtains.” 
Dan, aged seven, was trying to open a bottle of paracetamol. I took 
it from him, opened it easily, and explained, “It’s got a child lock on it, 
so that children can’t do it, because that could be dangerous.” 
Dan pondered for a moment, then asked, “But how did it know I was a child?” 
I listen to country music because I like to kick back and hear a guy 
with three houses teach me how to appreciate the simple things in life. 
A famous author was autographing copies of his latest book.  
One man brought a copy of the book as well as copies of his previous two  
“My wife really likes your books,” the man explained, “so I’ve decided 
to give her autographed copies for her birthday.” 
“So, it’s going to be a surprise?” the author guessed. 
“I’ll say,” the man responded. “She’s expecting a new car.” 
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of 
a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old  
farmer’s field.  
The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.  
He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. 
A few days later, the local police officer came out, saw the crashed 
bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old 
farmer said he had buried them.  
The police officer then asked the old farmer, “Were they ALL dead?” 
The old farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t, but you 
know how them politicians lie.” 
A man was walking down the beach and picked up a very old bottle. As he 
rubbed it to remove the sand, a genie popped out and said, “You can have 
one wish.”  
The man thought for a minute and said, “Make it so all women will 
love me.”  
Poof! In an instant the man was changed into a bar of chocolate. 
A mum texts, “Hi! Son, what do IDK, LY and TTYL mean?”  
He texts back, “I don’t know, love you and talk to you later.”  
The mother replies, “It’s OK, don’t worry about it. I’ll ask your sister. 
Love you too.” 
A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster 
than a shark.  
So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist. 
I went onto the Weight Watchers website earlier and it asked if I would 
accept cookies, which felt like a test. 
My New Year’s resolution is to get into shape.  
I choose round. 
SPIDER: Why are you terrified by me? 
ME: Well, the reasons I once had have all now been replaced by the fact  
that you can talk. 
Ada’s friend asked to borrow her donkey.  
“My donkey isn’t here,” she explained as the donkey brayed loudly in the  
“I thought your donkey wasn’t there?” 
“Who are you going to believe?” Ada asked. “Me or a donkey?” 
I think we need to stop calling it “working from home” and start 
calling it “living at work”. 
We were dining with my husband’s colleague, a therapist, who told us 
that her seven-year-old daughter had recently asked, “Mummy, what’s normal?” 
Our friend gave a response that only a mother who’s analysed one too 
many patients could give:  
“Normal is what people are before you get to know them.” 

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