Newsletter and jokes 5 November 2021

Hi all 
Guy Fawkes and Diwali ... but the real acition is at the cinemas with the  
Eternals, from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, gracing the screens, including 
the big IMAX and 4DX screens.  
If that's not your cup of tea, try "When Grandpa Met Sally", aka Here Today, 
which offers some comedy and a touch of romance. 
For the little ones, we have Monster Family 2, in keeping with last week's  
For Diwali, we have two offerings: the action drama Annaatthe, and crime 
action Sooryavanshi. 
No previews this week. Exam season. :-) 
New this week: 
* Monster Family 2 (PG V) 
* Eternals (3D) (13 LV) 
* Eternals (13 LV) 
* Eternals (3D IMAX) (13 LV) 
* Eternals (4DX) (13 LV) 
* Here Today (13 L) 
* Annaatthe (Tamil) 
* Sooryavanshi (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (cellphone wallpaper ...)  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I was eating breakfast at a diner, sitting near a man who had a cup of  
coffee but no spoon. 
Trying to get the waitress’s attention, he called out, “Excuse me, 
this coffee is too hot to stir with my finger.” 
It worked. A minute later, the waitress returned with another cup of  
coffee. “Here,” she said. “This one isn’t so hot.” 
Shortly before my operation, nurses tried to put my nervous son at ease,  
assuring him, “Your mother has the head surgeon.”  
That only seemed to alarm my son even more, since he loudly reminded them,  
“She’s having gallbladder surgery!” 
I don’t know why my in-laws feel qualified to give me parenting advice. 
After all, I live with the results of their efforts and it’s nothing 
to brag about. 
Just overheard my 54-year-old dad tell my 58-year-old aunt,  
“Don’t tell Mom.”  
So, apparently, that’s a lifelong thing. 
Ugh. I have to get drunk every time I’m around my in-laws just so they know  
I’m not pregnant. 
My daughter had a complete existential breakdown one day when she found out 
that she was going to have to pee every day of her life. 
My two-year-old son calls beards and mustaches “face grass.” 
After a typical rapid-fire question session with our five-year-old, my 
wife wondered why she asks so many questions.  
Her response: “Well, I don’t know anything.” 
When I asked my five-year-old grandson why he was so anxious to turn six,  
he replied, “So I can finally get married and have kids!” 
My 14-year-old’s first job was as a dishwasher at a restaurant.  
After his first shift, he came home upset, saying his coworkers had laughed  
at him. 
“Why would they do that?” I asked. 
“Because our boss posted my application on the bulletin board in the  
kitchen. Where it asked how I learned about the job, I wrote, 
‘My mother taught me.’ ” 
Upon entering a store, a man noticed a big “BEWARE OF DOG” sign posted on  
the door. He continued cautiously until he noticed an old hound asleep on  
the floor near the cash register.  
“Is that the dog we’re supposed to beware of?” he asked a worker behind 
the counter.  
“Yep, that’s him,” the man replied.  
“He doesn’t look dangerous. Why do you need that sign?”  
“Because,” the man explained, “before I put it up, people kept tripping  
over him.” 
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey.  
But I turned myself around. 
The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash.  
He said I was a site for psoriasis. 

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