Newsletter and jokes 3 December 2021

Hi all 
The countdown to Christmas has begun, as we wait to see if Omicron is a  
blessing in disguise or not.  
With the 4th episode of the Matrix trilogy landing ad Christmas, you can 
catch the original film at the IMAX venues this week. I remember when it 
was originally released, many people saw it multiple times.  
The wide release this week is Ridley Scott's look at the notorious Gucci  
murder in House of Gucci. The film has attracted some criticism from the  
family as to historical accuracy. 
Also on wideish release is the next chapter in the Resident Evil franchise,  
which is adults-only (18). 
For the older teens, we have the romantic drama Time Is Up, which was not  
well received but may be what tickles your fancy. 
Lastly, Bollywood has remade a Teluga film, which provides some action,  
thrills and romance.  
There's also a bit of a mini film festival running at the arthouse-type  
venues with some upcoming releases, including Spencer, Parallel Mothers,  
and Silent Night, as well as The Danish Collector: Delacroix to Gauguin. 
Enjoy :-) 
New this week: 
* The Matrix (IMAX) 10 V 
* Time Is Up 16 LSV 
* House of Gucci 13 LSVD 
* Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City 18 LVH 
* Tadap (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
My husband showed our five-year-old son a picture of himself when he 
was 16 and asked Harri if he knew who it was. 
He stared at it for a long time before replying, “It’s me when I’m bigger!” 
Confronting my husband, I demanded, “How come you never tell me I look  
pretty? Even my sisters tell me I look pretty sometimes.” 
“Your sisters are absolutely right,” he said grandly. “You do look 
pretty sometimes.” 
I had to smile when I joined my golf partner for a round of golf. 
“Is that a new putter?” I asked him.  
“What happened to your last one?”  
With a deadpan expression, he said, “It couldn’t swim.” 
I received a birthday card from my son this year. He’d written inside: 
“I’m sorry about all those stupid things I did when I was a kid.” 
And then, “Just be grateful you only know about half of them!” 
Deodorant? No, I’ve never needed to buy any.  
People just give it to me, complete strangers sometimes. 
My twins hate to brush their teeth. 
So I just convinced them that it’s fun to brush someone else’s teeth. 
Problem solved. 
I ate a clock yesterday. 
It was very time consuming. 
Especially when I went back for seconds! 
A man decided that he wanted to make his own honey, so he purchased 100  
bees from his local beekeeper.  
When he got home, he counted his new bees and discovered that he actually 
had 101. 
Being an honest man, he called the beekeeper back to tell him that he had  
taken home one too many. 
“That’s OK,” the beekeeper told him. “That one’s a freebee.” 
A border collie was bragging about all the work he did around the farm.  
A nearby sheep piped up, “You don’t work hard, all you do is boss us around!” 
“What did you say?” the collie demanded. 
“You herd me.” 
My brother who is a policeman comes across some good excuses from motorists  
for speeding. 
He recently stopped a married couple. He spoke to the man who stated  
indignantly that it was in fact his wife’s fault they had been speeding.  
“She’s doing all the driving,” he said. “I’m just the one behind the wheel.” 

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