Newsletter and jokes 7 January 2022

Hi all 
Happy new year and all that. Unless your year starts on a different date. 
Apologies for not sending the usual mailer last week, it was my annual day  
off :-) 
Of the three new films this week, two are aimed at the kiddie / family 
market. First up is an animated version of the classic Three Musketeers  
story, called Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds. That's joined by The  
Tiger Rising, which has not been released elsewhere yet so no ratings are 
available. It's based on a popular novel. 
For the adults, we have the female-focused actioner The 355, which has had 
middling to poor reviews but will appeal to a certain segment of the market. 
Enjoy :-) 
New this week: 
* Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds (PG V) 
* The Tiger Rising (PG V) 
* The 355 (16 LV)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
My husband’s office was being relocated and he had to spend long hours at  
work, often staying away from home overnight.  
One Saturday afternoon a fishing buddy dropped by, only to be told once  
again that my husband was out of town. 
“That guy is never home!” he complained. 
“I know,” I replied, “That’s what I used to say.” 
“Used to say?”  
“Yes,” I sighed. “Before I found out I was pregnant.” 
When I stopped to visit a friend, I found her on the phone with a real- 
estate agent.  
“That’s a little high!” she exclaimed. “What can I get for less than R5000  
a month?”  
The reply was evidently not to my friend’s liking.  
“I see,” she said abruptly, and hung up. 
“What did the agent say you could get?” I asked. 
“A car.” 
Astonished, I watched the man roller-skating towards me on the bicycle path.  
An owl, wings outstretched, clung to a leather patch on his shoulder. As they got 
closer, I could tell that the giant bird had lost part of one wing. 
The skater stopped for a breather. “Twice a day we go out so he can pretend  
he’s flying,” the man said to me. 
“I’m sure he would repay you if he could,” I replied. 
“He already has,” the skater said. “I used to weigh 12 kilos more and 
I smoked.”  
With that, man and bird took off again. 
Everything on the restaurant menu was à la carte and shockingly expensive.  
Salad dressing was $2, a baked potato $4.50 and asparagus $6.25.  
After we had been served, a hullabaloo broke out in the next room, where a  
birthday party was being held. Waiters blew horns and banged pans. 
“What on earth is that?” one man asked. 
“Someone ordered the asparagus!” a member of our group responded. 
My daughter and her husband, Jim, left their pre-teen daughter alone for a  
few hours while they went out to dinner.  
Before leaving, they reminded her to keep the doors locked and not to let  
anyone know she was alone in the house. The next day my daughter met a  
friend. “I called you last night,” the woman said, “but your daughter told  
me you were in the shower. 
Then I thought I’d give my message to Jim, but I was told he was in the  
shower too.” 
The salesman mentioned that he had got three orders so far that day:  
“Get out. Stay out. And don’t come back.” 
I ran into a former neighbour and asked how our old mutual landlord was  
“He’s letting me have my flat done in any colour of my choice – but I have  
to pay for the crayons.”  
A couple took their three-month-old son to the movies with them. On the way  
in, the usherette said they’d have to leave if the baby cried. “But we’ll  
refund your money,” she added. 
After watching the movie for half an hour, the husband turned to his wife. 
“Well, what do you think?” he asked. 
“It’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen!”  
“Me too,” he agreed. “Wake little Ritchie.” 
A woman wished to have her portrait painted, and her husband engaged the  
best artist he could find.  
During one of the sittings the wife made a rather unusual request. She  
asked the artist to paint in a diamond necklace, earrings and tiara, even 
though she wore no jewellery. The artist obliged but was puzzled. 
“Why did we add the gems?” he asked, as they surveyed the finished product. 
Said the wife, “It’s in case I should die before my husband. I just know 
he’d remarry right away. Let his new wife look for the jewels!”    
A woman, lunching with her friends, listened to descriptions of elaborate  
alarm systems, links with police stations, guard dogs and whatnot that her  
friends had turned to as protection against burglars. 
Asked what steps she had taken, she pointed out that she has five small 
“If a burglar came into my bedroom,” she said wearily, “I’d probably get up,  
take him by the hand and lead him to the toilet. 
Sign in a supermarket: ‘Aunt & Roach Killer. R29.99.’ 
Announcement in a community bulletin: ‘Peacemaking meeting scheduled for  
today cancelled due to a con flict.’ 
Letter to the editor: “I would like to thank the ambulance team for 
their support and care during my recent demise.”  

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