Newsletter and jokes 25 March 2022

Hi all 
This week's big release is the gritty crime thriller, Ambulance, which is 
also showing at the IMAX venues. 
There are a few Film Festival screenings at Tygervalley. 
Staying on the art side, Oscar hopeful C'Mon C'mon opens today, as does 
Mothering Sunday, which is also on at some commercial vanues. Note that 
it has a lot of nudity.  
From Bollywood, we have a military-based action thriller, RRR. 
On the previews side, there are premieres next Thursday for Morbius, at the  
IMAX venues. See the previews page for venues. 
Silent Voice, from the State Theatre, is at selected venues over the  
New this week: 
* C'mon C'mon (13 L) 
* Mothering Sunday (16 LNSD) 
* Ambulance (16 LV) 
* Ambulance (IMAX) (16 LV) 
* RRR (Hindi) (probably 16 V)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
At the Marine Corps Officer Candidates School, an instructor told us how  
all the physical training they would put us through would come in handy  
once we left the service.  
“When we get through with you,” he said, “you should be able to whip any 
civilian in a fight.  And if you can’t do that, you can surely outrun him.” 
I feel so lucky to be a writer’s assistant but so unlucky that a room 
full of people have to watch me try to type the word ‘lieutenant’. 
I was very pregnant when my husband and I visited our OB-GYN for a routine 
When the doctor noticed that the baby’s heart rate was slow, he decided  
that I should be induced. Or, as my husband, for whom English is a 
second language, explained to my mother,  
“The doctor wants to seduce her.” 
Redditors reveal the dimmest bulbs they’ve encountered: 
* A woman I know bragged on Facebook that she scored 84 on her IQ test. She 
thought it was out of 100. 
* I had a guy proudly tell me that he could write with his left and right  
hand equally well. He said it was because he was ‘amphibious’. 
* Toward the end of the movie King Kong, my then-girlfriend asked,  
“Is this based on a true story?” 
I want to live in a clean house but the whole living in it part is really  
getting in the way. 
Hey, empty-nest parents: If you want your kid to call you, just change  
your Netflix password.  
Your stomach thinks all potato is mashed. 
A group of squid should be called a squad. 
I will be the last person to die in my lifetime. 
Pavlov probably thought about feeding his dogs every time someone rang a bell. 
“DO NOT TOUCH” would probably be a really unsettling thing to read in braille. 
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked,  
"Honey, if I died would you get married again?"  
The husband said, "No sweetie."  
The woman said, "I'm sure you would."  
So the man said, "Okay, I would"  
Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"  
And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."  
Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"  
And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed." 
My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's  
just a waiting game. 
A woman turns to her husband on their silver wedding anniversary and says,  
‘Darling, will you still love me when my hair turns grey?’  
Her husband replies, ‘Why not?  
I stuck with you through the other six shades.’ 

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