Newsletter and jokes 1 April 2022

Hi all 
The end of a short hols. Winter is testing the waters, while the UK has 
some unseasonal spring snow.  
As for the movies, we have a range of genres. First up for the kiddie/family 
market is tne sequel to Sonic the Hedgehog, creatively titled Sonic the  
Hedgehog 2. 
For the teens and superhero fans, we have Morbius, also on at the IMAXes,  
but it seems to have been poorly received overseas. 
On the Upmarket Adult Horror circuit, we have X, which has indeed been well  
received, but is only showing at limited venues. 
Bollywood has another actioner this week, with a military background. 
There is a premiere for Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore at  
Mall of Africa on Tuesday. 
New this week: 
* Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (PG7-9 V PPS) 
* Morbius (13 LVH) 
* Morbius (IMAX) (13 LVH) 
* X (18 LSNVDH)   
* Attack: Part 1 (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
This Week's pinup (full HD wallpaper ...)  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
After we passed the same off-ramp for the third time, it was clear that I 
was lost. My little girl asked, “Daddy, do you know where you’re going?” 
“No,” I said. 
Her reply: “Then why are you still going there?” 
I was having a cup of tea at a friend’s house one morning when my phone  
rang. It was my five-year-old daughter’s school. She wasn’t feeling very  
The roads were busy, so I was late picking her up, and apologised. 
“Don’t worry, Mummy,” my daughter said, “I told them that sometimes you  
drive, sometimes you walk and sometimes you’re drunk.” 
I could hardly breathe. I liked a glass of wine at the weekend, but that  
was it. 
“Drunk?” I blurted out. 
“Yes, Mummy. At your friend’s. You’re always saying you get drunk 
on too many cups of tea.” 
Our phones are powerful, tiny computers that can fit in our pockets.  
But vending machines still can’t recognise a note with a crease in it. 
They need to fix cinema toilets so that they have little screens showing  
the movie in the cubicles.  
That way, if you need to go, you don’t miss anything. 
In Roman times CXX stood for 120.  
Nowadays it stands for “I love you but my finger slipped and I’m too 
lazy to tap delete three times and type it again.” 
I’m dating a bin lady at the moment. 
But I can never remember if I’m supposed to take her out on a Monday or a  
The first five days after the weekend are the hardest. 
When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said,  
“You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?” 
I said, “No, not particularly.” 
Imagine how offended whales would be if they found out that we listen to  
their conversations to help us fall asleep. 
What did the mummy whale do when her daughter stayed out late? 
She flipped! 
What do whales listen to on long journeys?  
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for days. 
It was very well orca-strated! 
Where do you find a particular type of whale? 
In the Specific Ocean. 
Two whales walk into a bar. 
The first whale says: “oooOOOOOoooo... aaaaaaaaa......\*BLURB\* \ 
aaaaaaEEEEEooooOOOOOO ooooeeeEEE \*whomp\* acacacacacacacacacacac  
oooOOoooeeeeeeE. Ha, ha, ha.” 
The second whale looks at him and says: “I don’t get it.” 

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