Newsletter and jokes 20 May 2022

Hi all 
A somewhat low-key opening this week.  
First up, for the kiddies, a Russian animated tale billed as "Cutie and  
the Beast", entitled My Sweet Monster. 
Then we have two offerings from India, who seem to be picking up the slack 
left by the dearth of Western releases. 
The first is the comedy-horror-romance Bhool Bhulaiyaa 2, and the other is  
a violent actioner in the vein of Lara Croft, but more violent, entitled  
Dhaakad. Both are in Hindi. 
Exams are coming, and not much in the way of Big Summer Blockbusters from  
the US in the pipeline, but Tom Cruise is Top Gun again, effectively  
releasing next Wednesday and Thursday, depending on the format and venue.  
See the previews page and remember to book :-) 
New this week 
* My Sweet Monster (PG V) 
* Bhool Bhulaiyaa 2  
* Dhaakad (probaly 16 or 18 V)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the pic and quote on the home page  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
My son and I were walking in the cemetery when we came upon an ornate  
mausoleum. New to reading and interested in words, my son pointed to the  
name carved at the top and asked, “What does that say?” 
I told him the family name: “Eaton.” 
Now horrified, he responded, “By what?” 
My mother is seven years older than my father, and he never lets her forget  
it. It was her birthday recently and he put just one candle on her cake. 
She seemed puzzled, and he told her, “Well, I didn’t want to put a strain  
on your lungs.” 
After a typical rapid-fire question session with our five year old, my 
wife wondered why she asks so many questions. 
Her response: “Well, I don’t know anything.” 
ME, IN MY TEENS: This radio station is playing my jams. 
ME, IN MY 20s: This disco is playing my jams. 
ME, IN MY 30s: This supermarket is playing my jams. 
My husband had a man-to-man talk with our grandson. 
He told him that in the future he would have feelings for girls.  
Our grandson nodded and replied he already had feelings for them. 
Surprised, his granddad asked what he meant.  
Our grandson replied, “They make me really, really mad!” 
A young man was walking through a supermarket when he noticed an elderly  
lady following him around.  
Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. 
Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon 
me,” she said. “I’m sorry if me staring at you made you feel uncomfortable. 
It’s just that you look just like my son, who died recently.” 
“I’m very sorry,” said the young man. “Is there anything I can do?” 
“Yes,” she said, “As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Goodbye, Mother’? It would 
make me feel so much better.”  
“Sure,” answered the young man.  
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Goodbye, Mother!” 
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was R127.50.  
“How can that be?” he asked, “I only purchased a few things!” 
“Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the shop assistant. 
Could I do an impression of a flamingo being arrested?  
Easy, I could do it standing on one leg with my hands tied behind my back. 
HER: Are you going to walk around all day without a shirt on? 
ME: Just giving you a show. 
HER : Can I change the channel? 
A guy goes into a bar in the middle of the day. It’s quiet and practically 
deserted. He sits alone, thinking about the twists and turns his life has 
He hears a soft voice: “Nice tie.” 
He looks around but he doesn’t see anyone.  
The voice speaks again: “Great haircut.” 
A few moments later, he hears: “Congratulations on your promotion.” 
He waves over the bartender to ask her if she hears anything.  
The bartender says: “That’s the peanuts, they’re complimentary.” 
Two dogs are walking along a street.  
They are passed by a third dog driving a truck load of logs.  
One turns to the other and says: “He started fetching a stick and built up  
the business from there.” 

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