Newsletter and jokes 4 November 2022

Hi all 
Exam season is underway, and we are also starting to get back into the  
usual routine of releasing the more art-orientated and Oscar-bait movies 
at this time of year. 
Two mainstream releases this week, although neither is on very wide release. 
First up is The Invitation, a horror story featuring Nathalie Emmanuel,  
best known for her role in Game of Thrones. 
On the art circuit, we have The Survivor, a boxing tale set in the post-WWII 
years featuring a concentration camp survivor. 
We have three Bollywood releases this week, the female comedy Double XL,  
the horror comedy Phone Bhoot, and the thriller Mili. 
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever opens next week, and there are premieres 
all over in all formats next week Thursday ... see the Previews page, 
and dress appropriately :-) 
New this week 
* The Invitation (13 LSVH) 
* The Survivor (16 LNVP) 
* Double XL (Probably 13 LD) 
* Phone Bhoot (Probably 13 or 16 VDH) 
* Mili (Probably 13 or 16)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Wallpaper (Full HD desktop)  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
My birthday was coming up so I went to the card shop and asked my daughter  
(aged four) if she wanted to select a card for me. I tried not to look but  
I couldn’t help but notice she was looking at one after the other and  
making a mess of the display. 
When I asked her what she was doing, she replied, “I’m looking for one with  
money in it for you, Mummy.” 
Watching soccer with my 11-year-old daughter is fun.  
When I get frustrated with my team, she’ll ask calming questions like,  
“Daddy, do you really think you can do better than the players?” 
Why not confuse future archaeologists by burying your favourite pets in  
elaborate military uniforms? 
I’m annoyed that "cowards" doesn’t mean to move in the direction of cattle. 
To err is human. 
To moo is bovine. 
A man dining at a restaurant flagged down his waiter and said, “Excuse me. 
I have a bee in my soup.” 
The waiter replied, “Yes, sir. Didn’t you order the alphabet soup?” 
Any wedding can be a fairy tale one if you serve porridge and release three 
angry bears into the reception hall. 
Art ... 
How many art gallery visitors would it approximately take to change a light 
Two. One who'd actually do it and one to say that his three-year-old kid  
could have done that. 
What did the art robbers who got arrested in the middle of a heist say? 
We lacked Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh. 
What do graffiti artists call empty walls?  
A Blanksy. 
Which famous painting is always sad? 
The Moaning Lisa. 
What do artists say when they greet each other?  
I tried to paint a good picture of the sky, but I blue it. 
I opened an envelope from one of our customers regarding an accidental  
death insurance policy on her spouse.  
The request was simple and to the point.  
Handwritten boldly across the invoice in red ink, it read:  
“Please cancel this policy. My husband is dead, and it was no accident.” 
While volunteering at a hospital during university, I was tasked with 
feeding an elderly patient who didn’t have the strength to do it himself. 
When his tray arrived, I picked up the utensils and asked, “Would you 
like me to use a spoon or a fork?”  
He replied, “That depends on your aim.” 
A young boy I was caring for was staring intently at a neighbour’s 
newborn when he announced,  
“We have a baby just like that at our house! He just has a different head.” 

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