Newsletter and jokes 23 December 2022

Hi all 
A bumper long week-end, and new family-friendly films to enjoy. 
First up for the kiddies is The Amazing Maurice, with characters from  
Terry Pratchet's Discworld series. 
The next in the current wave of musical biopics features the life story of  
pop icon Whitney Houston, written by Anthony McCarten, who also wrote  
Bohemian Rhapsody. 
Lastly, Bollywood has the mistaken identity comedy Cirkus. 
New this week 
* The Amazing Maurice (PG V) 
* I Wanna Dance with Somebody (13 LD) 
* Cirkus (PG10-12 LV)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
This Week's pinup (full HD cellphone wallpaper)  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Although not in the etiquette book, one must learn how to bow to the 
A scientific expert says that fish kill mosquitoes.  
But who wants to keep fish on his pillow?  
Golfer’s alibi for neglecting his business:  
“My doctor says I must take my iron every day.” 
Most of these love triangles turn into wrecktangles. 
The often-married movie star thinks that ‘a new groom sweeps clean’. 
A hair in the head is worth two in the brush. 
I had bad luck with both my wives – the first divorced me, and the second  
An intelligent girl is one who knows how to refuse a kiss without being  
deprived of it. 
After weeks with my colicky newborn, I was at the end of my tether.  
My husband suggested I try to ‘bond’ with the new baby. 
In frustration one morning, after my son had been crying for hours, I  
phoned my husband at work. Before he could say hello, I let our son 
scream into the receiver. 
Then I hung up. 
An hour passed, and my husband finally called back.  
I asked what took him so long. He said he was in a meeting all morning and  
when he returned to his desk he found a note saying: “Your son called.” 
One day at the veterinary surgery where I take my cat, a man and the  
receptionist were verbally sparring.  
The vet’s nurse came to her colleague’s defence, asking the man, 
“Do you know what happens to aggressive males in this surgery?” 
As I backed the car down our driveway, I noticed our six-year-old son  
playing on the front lawn. Just then I heard a crunch behind the car. 
I wound down my window and angrily told my son,  
“Jacob, that’s what you get for leaving your bike behind the car!”  
He looked over, shrugged his shoulders and replied,  
“That’s not my bike, Dad. That’s the lawnmower.” 
The small nephew of an actress visited her dressing room following a  
performance and, after some general conversation, asked rather worriedly, 
“Do you really kiss that man?” 
“Well,” said his aunt, “yes. As a matter of fact, I do.” 
A look of revulsion, tinged slightly with incredulity, appeared on the 
boy’s face.  
“Doesn’t he mind?” he asked. 
The New York musical My Fair Lady, based on Bernard Shaw’s Pygmalion, is  
sold out many months in advance. 
Two women sat in the stalls, an empty seat between them. At the intermission  
one said, “I waited eight months for my ticket.” 
“So did I,” said the other. “What a shame – this empty seat,” said the first. 
“Oh, that’s mine, too,” replied the other. “It was my husband’s, only he died.” 
“But couldn’t you have brought a friend?” 
“No,” the woman said, shaking her head. “They’re all at the funeral.” 
The instructor in a charm school course was urging her students to give  
their escorts every chance to be gallant.  
“Remain seated in the car until he has time to step around and open the  
door for you,” she said.  
Then, bowing to reality, she added, “But if he’s already in the restaurant 
and starting to order, don’t wait any longer!” 
Credit cards are what people use after they find that money can’t buy  

Xax International logo
 Xax International
 All rights reserved.