Newsletter and jokes 27 January 2023


 
Hi all 
 
I see a few venues have closed in recent weeks ... so sad. 
 
On a more positive note, Avatar: The Way of Water has now become one of 
the top 5 highest grossing movies of all time and well on its way to  
breaking even (if not already there). 
 
At the movies this week, we have three new releases. First up for the  
kiddies is the animated romp, Mummies, featuring some ancient Egyptians in 
a modern setting. 
 
For the adults, we have the action thriller Plane, which generally got higher 
ratings than I was expecting. So escapist fun. Enjoy. 
 
From Bollywood, we have SRK back on the big screen with Deepika Padukone in  
the action drama, Pathaan.  
 
The Joburg Film Festival is running at selected venues in Johannesburg. 
 
New this week 
 
* Mummies (PG7-9 V) 
* Plane (16 LV) 
* Pathaan (Hindi) 
 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the home page poster 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
List of all movies showing 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Showtimes 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Enjoy :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
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Chuck Norris set the record for most amount of records broken: 
All of them. 
 
The Guinness Book is actually for all of the 2nd-placers, otherwise it  
would be a book the size of a post-it note with one page in it that says  
'Chuck Norris'. 
 
They say he once did a minute in only 41.25 seconds. 
 
Chuck Norris can recite the entirety of pi. 
Backwards. 
And his pin number is the last 4 digits of pi. 
 
Chuck Norris not only knows Euler’s identity, he created it when he was  
working in the witness protection program. 
 
I’m not sure if I’m more impressed by this or the fact that he can divide  
by zero 
 
Chuck Norris can count to infinity. Twice. 
 
Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number 
You answered the wrong phone. 
 
We really need to stop with all the Chuck Norris jokes!!! 
Do you want him to find out you’re laughing at him? 
 
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I just bought a new pair of shoes. 
 
I don't know what they're laced with, but I've been tripping all day! 
 
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Why does gallows humor not always have a punchline? 
 
Sometimes, they prefer to keep you hanging. 
 
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Sherlock Holmes returned to 221B Baker Street 
 
He was carrying a box of lemons in his arms. 
 
When Doctor Watson saw the box, he asked "Well where did those come from?" 
 
And Holmes answered "A lemon tree, my dear Watson." 
 
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Where do rainbows go when they've been bad? 
 
Prism. It's a light sentence. 
 
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Due to rising costs, I stopped using toilet paper. Instead, I'm using  
newspaper now. 
 
Man, The Times are rough. 
 
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Why is gravity so cheap? 
 
Because it's mass-produced. 
 
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I changed the alarm on my phone to the Hokey Pokey song. 
 
Worst mistake I ever made.  
It took me an extra 45 minutes to get out of bed this morning... 
 
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How do you make a Caesar salad from a salad? 
 
You stab it 23 times. 
 
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A man has been stealing wheels of police cars. 
 
Police are working tirelessly to catch him. 
 
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What do you call an illogical joke about Indian food? 
 
A naan sequitur. 
 
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My pharmacist is very well respected... 
 
She's a real piller of the community. 
 
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2 artists had a fight... 
 
It ended in a draw. 
 
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As a doctor I often get asked why I use that rubber hammer to tap patients'  
knees. 
 
I dunno. I just get a kick out of it. 
 
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Everyone on the internet seems to hate vegans, but I don’t really get it. 
 
Personally, I’ve never had a beef with one. 
 
 
  



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