Newsletter and jokes 14 April 2023


 
Hi all 
 
Loadshedding stealing too much of my time, so no Pulitzer Prize Prose this 
week :-) 
 
New this week 
 
* Suzume (PG7-9 V) 
* Suzume (IMAX) (PG7-9 V) 
* A Good Person (16 LSVD) 
* Renfield (16 LVDH) 
* Spinning Gold (16 LVD) 
 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the home page poster 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
List of all movies showing 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
This Week's pinup  
https://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper)    
 
Showtimes 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Enjoy :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
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I watched the new thriller about the models who go camping. 
 
It’s pretty in tents. 
 
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Superman is taking an evening stroll past the church when the Minister runs  
down the steps calling for his help. 
 
"Superman, we need your help, a wall has collapsed in the basement, some  
workmen are trapped!" says the Minister. 
 
"No way" said Superman "I'm not going near the crypt tonight". 
 
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My great grandad used to make fabric booths for clairvoyants and fortune  
tellers... 
 
He was a con-tent creator. 
 
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A wise man once told his wife... 
 
Nothing because he was a wise man. 
 
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Planning meals in advance... 
 
Now that's some food forethought. 
 
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I named my horse Mayo. 
 
Sometimes, Mayo-neighs 
 
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The only thing flat earthers fear... 
 
Is sphere itself! 
 
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The doctor told my wife to get her affairs in order. 
 
She said Mike in 2017, Jason in 2019, and Brent last year. 
 
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Paul: "So, anybody have any ideas for the last part of 'Hey,Jude'?" 
 
John: "Nah." George: "Nah." Ringo: "Nah." 
 
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You will grade my essay. 
 
Mark my words. 
 
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I just bought a knife that can cut 8 pieces of bread at once. 
 
It's a four loaf cleaver. 
 
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I bought the newlyweds an elephant for their room. 
 
They said, “Thank you.” I said, “Don’t mention it.” 
 
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Had an old Catholic girlfriend try and talk to me the other day... 
 
Call that "excommunication". 
 
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The inventor of Tetris died recently and the casket was buried vertically... 
 
And then the entire graveyard disappeared. 
 
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I get a ringing in my ears when it gets dark. 
 
It’s a condition called “tonightis” 
 
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I was at a wedding reception… 
 
When I noticed the woman sitting opposite me kept staring until finally she  
spoke. “Every time you smile, I want to take you back to my place.”  
 
In my excitement I asked if she was single.  
 
“No” she replied. “I’m a Dentist.” 
 
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Did you hear about the celebrity who got stabbed? Her name is Reece  
something... 
 
Witherspoon? 
 
No, with a knife. 
 
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The professor told me, “You don’t deserve an A for this essay!” 
 
He... berated me. 
 
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Financial Advice 
 
With inflation at 7.5%, you lose half your money in 9 years.  
 
The only way to outperform that consistently, that I have found, is crypto.  
 
Just this year I've already lost half my money. 
 
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I just lost my job as a clown, so I'm selling my car... 
 
It's a bargain: one owner, 11000 miles, seats 26 
 
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What happens when someone slaps you at high frequency? 
 
It hertz. 
Frequently. 
 
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A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. 
 
The priest points to the rabbit and says, "I think he's a Type O." 
 
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I called the tinnitus hotline... 
 
But it just kept on ringing. 
 
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