Newsletter and jokes 12 May 2023


 
Hi all 
 
The first in the two-part finale of the Fast & Furious series opens today 
on wide release, also on the big IMAX and 4DX screens. 
 
It's been a long ride for the series. Reviews for this release have been 
reasonable. 
 
We are now technically in US Summer Blockbuster season, so expect a string 
of big-budget releases over the next few months. 
 
The only other new movie this week is the Tamil action thriller sequel,  
Pichaikkaran 2. 
 
Next week's Throwback Thursday oldie is 2005's Batman Begins, with Christian 
Bale. 
 
You can catch Eric Clapton: Across 24 Nights, and Roger Waters - Live From  
Prague at selected venues, as well as the opera Falstaff on the art circuit. 
 
There are premieres next Thursday for Disney's live-action remake of The  
Little Mermaid. Wear your fins :-) 
 
New this week 
 
* Fast & Furious 10 (13 LV) 
* Fast & Furious 10 (IMAX) (13 LV) 
* Fast & Furious 10 (4DX) (13 LV) 
* Pichaikkaran 2 (Tamil) 
 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the home page poster 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
This Week's pinup  
https://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper)    
 
List of all movies showing 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Showtimes 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Enjoy :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb? 
 
Only one, but it takes six visits. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
I’m trying to get a job taking care of horses. 
 
I’ve heard it’s stable employment. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Then there's the story of a painter who is hired to whitewash a nearby church. 
 
Unfortunately he thins the paint too much, causing it to wash away entirely  
during the first rain. 
 
The minister calls the painter to voice his grievances.  
"What do you want me to do about it?" inquires the painter. 
 
"Repaint," says the minister firmly, "And thin no more." 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
An eight year old girl went to the office with her Dad on a "Take your kid  
to work day". 
 
As they were walking around the office the young girl was getting crankier  
and crankier, crying and sobbing. Her father asked what was wrong with her? 
 
As the concerned office staff gathered around she sobbed loudly  
"Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?" 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
I can't believe that viruses and bacteria would just invade my body without  
permission. 
 
That makes me sick. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
I can't believe I came in last at the Karate competition. 
 
I'm still kicking myself. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
I don't drink cow milk, because I'm not a baby cow. 
 
However I do drink almond milk, because I'm a little nutty! 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Accordion to a recent survey... 
 
6 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a  
musical instrument. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Insomnia is horrendous to live with. 
 
But on the plus side, only two more sleeps until Christmas 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my obsession of becoming a  
news anchor. 
 
More on this after the break. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Why don't aliens visit our Solar System? 
 
They read the reviews... just one star... 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
I always get my pizza delivered. 
 
Who puts liver on pizza anyway? 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
After getting the windows on my car tinted black, I showed it to my wife. 
 
She said, "I wouldn't be seen dead in that thing!" 
 
I said, "That's the point." 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Sometimes I read text and think, what a psycho. 
 
Then I press send. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
A caller on a radio quiz show is asked the first question:  
“What is a glass eye made of?” 
 
“A glass eye?” she says. “Oh... I never really thought about that.  
I don’t know!” 
 
The host tries to help her a little: “What do you think a GLASS eye may be  
made of?” 
 
“I really have no idea!” 
 
The host gives up and says: “A glass eye is made of glass...” 
 
“Of course!” she exclaims enthusiastically. “You have to be able to see  
through it!” 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
The guy who invented autocorrect has died... 
...his funfair will be help next sundial. 
 
Inventor of autocorrect died. 
His funnel is tomato. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
Every time you talk to your wife, you should remember that... 
 
“This conversation will be recorded for training and quality purposes.” 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
I saw this poor old lady fall down the stairs and hurt herself. 
 
I assume she was poor because I didn’t find more than $1.50 in her wallet. 
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 
There was a very wealthy Count named Carl 
 
He always threw extravagant parties and almost everyone loved him, but  
almost no one knew where he got his massive wealth from. 
 
One day, some law enforcement got suspicious of Count Carl’s wealth and  
went to him demanded to know where it was coming from.  
 
Count Carl refused to tell them, however. 
 
So eventually they threatened him with execution.  
 
Count Carl insisted that he would take the secret of his wealth to the grave,  
even when they dragged him up to the stage and commanded him to lay his head  
on the block. 
 
The executioner raised the hatchet high and Count Carl yelled,  
“Wait, I’ll tell you! I-“ 
 
SPLAT! 
 
The hatchet came down and severed Count Carl’s head from his body, taking  
the secret of his wealth with him. 
 
“Just goes to show,” murmured the executioner, “never hatchet your Counts  
before they chicken.” 
 
 
 



Xax International logo
 Xax International
 2019
 All rights reserved.