Newsletter and jokes 2 June 2023

Hi all 
Four new movies this week, two from Hollywood and two from Bollywood. 
First up, and arriving with excellent ratings, is the sequel to the  
animated Spider-Man film, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse. 
For the adults, we have the horror thriller The Boogeyman, based on a short 
story by Stephen King. 
From Bollywood, the divorce comedy Zara Hatke Zara Bachke, and the romance/ 
comedy/drama NRI Wives, which seems to be a spin on the "Real Housewives of" 
TV series. 
There are big-screen-only premieres next Thursday for Transformers: Rise of  
the Beasts, at selected venues. See the Previews page and remember to book :-) 
For those busy with exams, all the best :-) 
New this week 
* Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (13 LV) 
* The Boogeyman (16 LVDHP) 
* Zara Hatke Zara Bachke 
* NRI Wives   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
I'm here for the yodelling lesson. 
But the bouncer said I have to form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue. 
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills? 
Because pencils confused him. 
2B or not 2B? That is the question. 
I was running down the street where the houses were numbered, 64k, 128k,  
256k, 512k, and 1MB. 
What a trip down the memory lane. 
Police were called in to investigate a dead librarian found crushed under a  
ton of books 
Despite initial suspicion of foul play, the officers analyzed the poor  
construction of the room and determined that the librarian had only his  
shelf to blame. 
Sometimes I talk to myself. 
Me too. 
Ruto, a politician, visited a village and and asked what their needs were. 
”We have 2 basic needs sir,” replied the villager. 
“Firstly, we have a hospital, but there’s no doctor.” 
On hearing this, Ruto whipped out his cellphone, and after speaking for a  
while he reassured the village leader that the doctor would be there the  
next day. He then asked about the second problem. 
“Secondly sir, there is no Network coverage anywhere in this village.” 
A spiritual Leader lay quietly. He was dying. 
The disciples had gathered around his bed and recited some holy verses  
trying to make his last journey divine and pleasant. 
They wanted to give him warm milk to drink but he declined. 
One of the disciples took the glass back to the kitchen and decided to add  
some brandy considering it good for health. 
He poured a generous amount into the warm milk. 
Back at Spiritual Leader's bed, they lifted his head gently and held the  
glass to his lips. 
The very frail man drank a little, then a little more, and before they  
knew it, he had finished the whole glass down to the last drop. 
As his eyes brightened, the disciples thought it would be a good opportunity  
to have one last talk with their Spiritual Leader. 
Sir....! the disciples asked earnestly, "Please, give us some of your  
wisdom before you leave us." 
He raised himself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them 
and said, 
"Don't sell that cow." 
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because  
they’re brainwashed by the government and the media.. 
When every American knows that America is the best country in the world. 
I just invented a new telepathically controlled air freshener. 
It might sound crazy, but it makes scents when you think about it. 
There was once a very successful farmer from Texas who started gaining  
interest in his ancestry. After doing some digging, he traced his lineage  
back to a small town in Ireland. And lo and behold, they were a family of  
So he packed his bags and took a trip to Ireland to visit the small town to  
see if he could track down some of his kin. 
After landing in Dublin, and driving an hour outside of the city, he  
stopped in a pub to grab a drink and start asking around about his family. 
The Texan sat down, ordered a pint, and started talking to the Irishman  
sitting at the bar. After explaining his story and the purpose of the trip,  
the Irishman responded, “You don’t say! I’ve never heard of your family,  
but I’m a farmer as well. Tell me, what’s it like farming in Texas?” 
“Gladly,” the Texan said, “farming in Texas has been quite lucrative for me.  
If you started out in the morning, and drove west, you could drive all day  
before you reached the end of my property. And if you started the next day  
and drove East all day, you wouldn’t reach the end of my property.  
Same thing North and South, you could drive either direction all day and  
you wouldn’t reach the end of my farmland.” 
“Ahh, I know what you mean,” said the Irishman, “I’ve got a tractor like  
that as well.” 
Why do real estate agents put their picture on business cards, Facebook  
pages, web sites, billboards, bus stops, postcards, vehicle wraps, yard  
signs, and printed ads? 
So you’ll know what they looked like 10 years ago. 
My wife and I got into an argument because she said I don't understand the  
concept of irony. 
Ironically, we were at a bus depot at the time. 
Got a variable rate mortgage on a haunted house and a cheap psychic to  
cleanse the spirits. 
A month later it was repossessed. 

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