Newsletter and jokes 16 June 2023


 
Hi all 
 
Trust you are all surviving the weather. 
 
The line-up this week is generally pretty good, so enjoy. 
 
First up for the kiddies, from Disney/Pixar, is the opposites-attract rom-com 
Elemental.  
 
For the teens, we have another reboot of The Flash, also featuring a few  
other well-know super-heroes.  
 
Wes Anderson is back with another offbeat film with decent ratings (as to be 
expected) in Asteroid City, while the art circuit has the British film  
Greatest Days. 
 
Lastly India has the romantic adventure epic Adipurush in Hindi and Telugu. 
 
The opera Champion is on at selected venues.  
 
Other musical releases include Suga: Road to D-Day, Long Story Short: Willie  
Nelson 90, and J-Hope in the Box. 
 
Enjoy. :-) 
 
New this week 
 
* Elemental (3D) (PG) 
* Elemental (PG) 
* The Flash (13 LV PPS) 
* The Flash (IMAX) (13 LV PPS) 
* The Flash (4DX) (13 LV PPS) 
* Greatest Days (13 LD) 
* Asteroid City (13 LNVD) 
* Adipurush (Hindi) 
* Adipurush (Hindi) (3D) 
* Adipurush (Telugu) (3D) 
 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the home page poster 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
This Week's pinup  
https://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (full HD wallpaper)    
 
List of all movies showing 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Showtimes 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Enjoy :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
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I don't see why walking is healthy. 
 
Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.     
 
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At my boss's funeral kneeling and whispering at the coffin: 
 
"Who's thinking outside the box now?" 
 
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My therapist recommended I take up meditation 
 
She said at least its better than sitting doing nothing. 
 
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You do some gardening once, you do not become a gardener.  
You nail two pieces of wood together, you do not become a woodworker. 
 
So I do not see how I could be a murderer, your honour. 
 
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My friend said she couldn't afford to pay her huge water bill 
 
So I sent her a "get well soon" card. 
 
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I asked my cat to make me a sandwich 
 
He looked at me and said “Me? How?” 
 
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I’m poly-illiterate 
 
I can’t read or write in several languages 
 
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A cowboy walks into the bar, only to find it's empty. 
 
Only the bartended, polishing a glass, is behind the bar. 
 
"Where's everyone at?" Asks the cowpoke. 
 
"At the hangin'." Bartender says. 
 
"Hangin'?!" The cowboy asks. "Hadn't heard. Who are they stringing up?" 
 
"The Brown Paper Kid." 
 
"The Brown Paper Kid?" 
 
"That's right. Wears brown paper pants, brown paper vest, even a brown  
paper hat." Bartender nods looking at the glass. 
 
"Damn. Never heard of him. What's they get him for?" Asks the cowboy. 
 
"Rustling." 
 
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I don’t know where to park my boat and everyone at the dock keeps staring  
at me. 
 
I’m under... a lot of pier pressure. 
 
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Me: Can I not pay the speeding ticket? I’m running a marathon later. 
 
Cop: Sir, that’s not how you play the race card. 
 
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And he said, “Dammit I overshot by a few seconds again!” 
 
A time traveller walked into a bar... 
 
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Greetings. I am Buzz Aldrin the second man to walk on the moon. 
 
Neil before me. 
 
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Did you know it’s illegal to laugh loudly in Hawaii? 
 
When you’re there you gotta keep it to a lo ha. 
 
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How many hostages does it take to change a light bulb? 
 
I don't know, but it isn't seven. My basement is still dark. 
 
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An Amish man is driving his horse-drawn cart when he gets to a toll road.  
The toll keeper says "That will be $10 please." 
 
The Amish man says, "I thought that was only for motor vehicles." 
 
"No," says the toll keeper. "All vehicles, no exceptions." 
 
So the Amish man turns around, goes a ways back up the road, takes the  
horse out of its harness, puts the horse in the driver's seat, puts himself  
in the harness, and pulls the cart back to the toll gate.  
 
Again, the gate keeper says, "That will be $10 please." 
 
The Amish man gestures over his shoulder. "Talk to the driver." 
 
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How do you describe a dolphin with no direction in life? 
 
Lacking porpoise. 
 
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What do you call a timid potato? 
 
A hesitater 
 
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How do hearing aid batteries compare to other batteries? 
 
They produce a lower number of whats. 
 
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What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo 
 
One's really heavy and the other is a little lighter. 
 
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What sort of dinosaur writes romance novels? 
 
A Brontësaurus 
 
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I tell ya, my wife treats me like a god. 
 
At every meal, she gives me burnt offerings. 
 



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