Newsletter and jokes 28 July 2023


 
Hi all 
 
Three new releases today. First up, for the kiddies, we have the French  
animated film, Miraculous: Ladybug & Cat Noir, which is the film version  
of the TV series.  
 
For the adults and art circuit, we have the dramatac thriller Master Gardener 
with Joel Edgerton and Sigourney Weaver. 
 
Bollywood is rolling out the romantic comedy, Rocky Aur Rani Kii Prem Kahaani. 
 
The documentary Reinventing Elvis The ’68 Comeback is on at art venues on 
Sunday, and art on screen has Vermeer - The Blockbuster Exhibition, also 
on the art circuit daily. 
 
No previews this week. 
 
Enjoy. :-) 
 
New this week 
 
* Miraculous: Ladybug & Cat Noir (PG LV) 
* Master Gardener (16 LSVDP) 
* Rocky Aur Rani Kii Prem Kahaani (Hindi) 
 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the home page poster 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
This Week's pinup  
https://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (cellphone wallpaper)    
 
List of all movies showing 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Showtimes 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Enjoy :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
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Pick up line: I may not be the best looking guy in this bar, but I'm the  
only one talking to you. 
 
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Mountains are funny because they're hill areas. 
 
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I am writing a book on reverse psychology. Please, don't buy it. 
 
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I can’t go to gym I’m in the fitness protection program 
 
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You're always asked "paper or plastic" at the grocery check out because  
baggers can't be choosers. 
 
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Before the invention of the crowbar, they mostly drank alone. 
 
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Where do bad rainbows go? 
 
Prism. It's only a light sentence and gives them time to reflect. 
 
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Why do the French eat snails? 
 
Because they don't like fast food. 
 
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People are 63% more likely to believe a made up stat if you say it confidently. 
 
This increases to 78.47 if you add a some decimals. 
 
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What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? 
 
A father in law 
 
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A farmer went out into his field to get a head count on his cattle and  
counted 196, but later that night when he rounded them up there were 200. 
 
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At a doll store. 
 
Man: "Do you work here?" 
 
Lady: "Yes!" 
 
"I need to buy a Barbie doll for my daughter. How much are they?" 
 
"Which Barbie? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to  
the ball for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes  
shopping for $19.95, Barbie goes nightclubbing for $19.95,  
and divorced Barbie for $395.00." 
 
"Why is divorced Barbie so much more expensive than the others?" 
 
"It's obvious! Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's House, Ken's car, Ken's  
boat and Ken's furniture" 
 
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I was passing the cemetery. 
 
I saw four men carrying a coffin round and round, 
 
3 hours later I saw the same men with the same coffin. 
 
I thought to myself, they've lost the plot. 
 
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Give a man a Gun and he can rob a Bank. 
 
Give a man a Bank and he can rob the World. 
 
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Why did Elon Musk rename Twitter to X? 
 
So the remaining users could spell it. 
 
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I tried to remarry my ex-wife.. 
 
But she figured out, I was only after my money. 
 
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A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.  
“You can’t cut me down!,” the tree complains, “I’m a talking tree!” 
 
The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue." 
 
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Both men and women are going to the gym to have the same thing. 
 
A perfect female body. 
 
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A dentist in my town just got arrested for selling drugs! 
 
It's amazing what secrets people can keep.  
I've been going to him for over ten years and I never knew he was a dentist! 
 
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I'm getting a little tired of Gen Z-er's attitudes. 
 
Always walking around like they rent the place. 
 
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My workmates are weird. 
 
They label the food in the office fridge. 
 
Today I had a sandwich named Chris and a yogurt named Max. 
 
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What do you call a large group of Karens? 
A complaint of Karens. 
 
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A child asks his mom "where does poo come from?" 
 
The mother says "when we eat food our bodies take the good stuff and send  
the rest down the intestines which come out as poo" 
 
"And tigger?" Asked the child 
 
 



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