Newsletter and jokes 4 August 2023

Hi all 
Two new releases this week. First up is the family movie Haunted  
Mansion, which is looking like yet another disaster for Disney. The  
production budget was 150 M$, and they are unlikely to recoup that. The  
public at least gave it higher ratings than the press. 
The sequel to The Meg is having an even worse time with the critics,  
despite Jason Statham giving it his best shot. This is screening in 2D, 3D  
and 4DX. 
There are previews next Tursday for the Tamil film, Jailer, at two CineCentre 
Wednesday is a public holiday, and there are previews all over all day for  
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem, which opens next Friday. 
Reviews from press and public alike have been good, although it is aimed 
at the little ones. 
Enjoy. :-) 
New this week 
* Haunted Mansion (13 VHD) 
* Meg 2: The Trench (3D) (16 LV) 
* Meg 2: The Trench (16 LV) 
* Meg 2: The Trench (4DX) (16 LV)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
This Week's pinup (cellphone wallpaper)    
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. 
For example: 
- Jane ate her friend's sandwich. 
- Jane ate her friend's colon. 
A teacher scolded me once for using a semi colon instead of a colon ... 
I just couldn't give a shift. 
A husband and wife are having a hard time sleeping, given the fact their  
neighbor's dog is barking in the backyard all night long. Eventually, the  
wife tells her husband to go next door and get the dog to stop.  
The husband obeys and comes back a few minutes later. 
"Okay, honey, that should solve the problem," he says as he goes back to bed. 
"But the dog is still barking!" the wife complains. "What did you do?" 
"I put their dog in our backyard. Now let's see how the neighbors like it!" 
A 90 year-old mother is on her deathbed.  
Summoning her last bit of strength, she lifts her head and whispers:  
"Is my beloved husband John here with me?" And John says, "Yes, I am here." 
She then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here  
with me?" And they reply, "Yes Mother, we are here with you to see you  
breathe your last." 
And she says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?"  
And they too tell her that they are there. 
So the mother lays back quietly, closes her eyes, and says,  
"If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?" 
Two aliens are flying near earth. 
The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed nuclear  
The second one says, "Are they an emerging threat?" 
The first one says, "I don't think so, they have aimed all of them at  
Elon Musk has always had trouble with relationships... 
Even Twitter is now his X! 
A driver picks up a hitchhiker. 
Hitchhiker: "Thanks for picking me up. Most people won't. How do you know  
I'm not a serial killer? 
Driver: "What are the odds... Two serial killers in the same car?" 
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges dinner plates by the year  
they were bought. 
It’s an extremely rare dish order. 
I heard the Oppenheimer movie was really good. 
It really blew people away. 
My hot female doctor said I was sweet!! 
Her exact words were "severely diabetic", but I know what she meant... 
What do you call a group of fat babies ? 
Heavy Infantry 
Two businessmen meet up and start discussing their assistants. 
Businessman 1: You know, my assistant is an idiot. 
Businessman 2: Oh, you think that's bad? My assistant is the worst! I  
haven't seen anyone more stupid than him. 
Businessman 1: Let's bet on it. Bring your assistant tomorrow, and we'll  
see who's more stupid. 
The next day, they meet with their assistants. 
Businessman 1: Okay, watch this. (now turning to his assistant) Here's 1  
dollar. I want you to go to the showroom and buy me a new SUV car. 
Assistant 1 takes the dollar bill and leaves. 
Businessman 1 (smiling): See? He's not the brightest. 
Businessman 2 (smirking): Good one, but watch this. 
Businessman 2 (to his assistant): Here are my house keys. Go to my house  
and check if I am home or not, and let me know. 
Assistant 2 takes the house keys and leaves. 
Businessman 2 (confidently): Beat that! 
As the assistants are on their way, they bump into each other. 
Assistant 1: You know, I didn't want to say it back there, but honestly, my  
manager is an idiot. 
Assistant 2: Funny you say that. I could swear there's no one more stupid  
than my manager. 
Assistant 1: My manager gave me a dollar and asked me to buy him a new car  
from the showroom. It's Sunday today, the showroom is closed! 
Assistant 2: And my manager asked me to go to his house and check if he's  
home. He could have just called! 
A guy sits down at a bar, head hung, and looking sad.  
"Is everything ok?" asks the bartender. 
"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn't going to talk to me  
for a month." 
The bartender says, "I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe that's a good thing, a  
little peace and quiet, you know?" 
"Yeah...but today is the last day" 
What happened to the Twitter employee, that told Elon Musk not to rename  
the company? 
He became an X employee! 
I asked the cashier “Could you give me small change instead of bills?  
I need money for the bus “ 
She said “That’s fare.” 
Me: I don’t think we should see each other anymore. 
Her: Please stop saying that every time you switch off the lights at night. 
My dad recently told me a joke that was based on Ancient Roman Numerals. 
I for one thought it very funny. 

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