Newsletter and jokes 11 August 2023

Hi all 
Glad that the taxi strike is over. 
A full line-up this week, kicking off with the Ninja Turtles reboot, which 
has good reviews, but struggled against The Meg overseas last week.  
For the teens, we have Gran Turismo, based on the popular video game. 
Sarafina! is getting an anniversary release, but the censors have bumped 
up the age res to 16.  
India has three offerings, the family-friendly OMG2 in Hindi, and Jailer  
(Tamil) and Gadar 2 (Hindi) for the adults.  
No previews this week. 
Enjoy. :-) 
New this week 
* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (3D) (PG7-9 LV PPS) 
* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (PG7-9 LV PPS) 
* Gran Turismo (13 LV) 
* Gran Turismo (IMAX) (13 LV) 
* Sarafina! (16 LVP) 
* OMG 2 (Probably PG) (Hindi) 
* Jailer (probably 16 V) (Tamil) 
* Gadar 2 (probably 16 V) (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
This Week's pinup (cellphone wallpaper)    
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A plane is on its way to Toronto when a blonde woman in the economy class  
gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down. 
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. 
She then tells the blonde woman that she paid for the economy class and  
that she will have to sit in the back. 
The blonde woman replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto  
and I'm staying right here." 
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the  
co-pilot that there is a blonde lady sitting in first class that belongs in  
economy and won't move back to her seat. 
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde woman and tries to explain that because  
she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. 
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto and I'm  
staying right here." 
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting  
when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason. 
The pilot says, "You say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married to  
a blonde. I speak blonde." 
He goes back to the blonde woman and whispers in her ear, and she says,  
"Oh, I'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy. 
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to  
make her move without any fuss. 
"I told her, 'first class isn't going to Toronto.'" 
Where do BAD rainbows go? 
To Prism......It's a light sentence, but it gives them time to refract. 
A man holding several miniature pigs walks into a bar. 
"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry.  
"Any room for me and my friends?" 
The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his  
friends inside, but the cups are too small. 
"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender reaches  
for some larger mugs, but as he places them next to the cups, it becomes  
obvious that even these will be too small for the pigs. 
Seeing the man struggle to continue holding them, the bartender runs to the  
kitchen for help. 
A cook emerges, holding several large measuring cups. "Sorry, I just used  
these to make a batch of cheese dip, but they're all yours!" 
The man carefully plops each pig into its respective gooey yellow cup. 
Arms exhausted, breathing heavily, he drops into a stool at the end of the  
bar, between his tiny friends and a beautiful girl. 
He glances her way, gasping coyly. "Hey...I'm...Tom." 
She smiles, having watched the whole ordeal. "Hi Tom, I'm Liz. And if you  
don't mind me asking..." she chuckles, looking over his shoulder,  
"what was that all about?" 
He glances back at the bar. "Yeah...sorry," he pants.  
"I was impress you, turned out to be... 
a pretty...cheesy...pig-cup line." 
A plane full of Japanese car parts just exploded in mid-air. 
Apparently it's raining Datsun cogs 
I just got fired from my job as a massage therapist. 
My boss said I rub people the wrong way. 
Finally they named the book about the Titan Submarine. 
20,000 Leaks Under the Sea 
My friend was shocked when I told him I don’t know what the word  
“apocalypse” means. 
I said “Relax. It’s not the end of the world.” 
I told my doctor, “I have a problem with the hearing in one of my ears.” 
He said, “Are you sure?” 
I said, “Yes, I’m definite.” 
A truck filled with Worcestershire sauce and a truck filled with quinoa  
crashed in front of the local charcuterie shop. 
When asked by reporters what had happened a witness replied,  
"Well... it's kind of hard to say..." 
My dad would put us to sleep by throwing us up into the air. 
This method only works if you have low ceilings. 
A young girl returns home after a bus trip with her dad. 
When she gets home she rushes to her mother to tell her about the trip.  
After speaking of all the sights they saw she finished the story on the bus  
ride back:  
"On the bus, daddy told me to offer my seat to a random lady so I did" 
Her mother replied: "Oh wow! You did the right thing honey" 
Frowning, the girl said: "But I was sitting on daddy's lap!" 
I explained to my wife that we’ll be paying twice as much as our house is  
worth over the life of our 30-year mortgage. 
She said “interesting.” 

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