Newsletter and jokes 25 August 2023

Hi all 
Quite a mixed bag this week, with the only family-friendly release being  
the rom-com Dream Girl 2 from Bollywood. 
Golda, about Israeli PM Golda Meir, is rated for the teens, but the target  
market is the art circuit. 
We have three offerings for the adults: Liam Neeson doing action justice  
again, like several recent releases, in Retribution; some raunchy comedy in  
Back on the Strip, and new horror in Cobweb.  
No previews this week. We do have the 48 Hour Film Project JHB 2023 on at 
Mall of Africa, and Andre Rieu's 2023 Maastricht: Love is All Around at 
arthouse-and-similar venues. 
The documentary Music is My Life – Ladysmith Black Mambazo is on at  
Nouveau Rosebank and Gateway. 
Enjoy. :-) 
New this week 
* Golda (13 VD) 
* Back on the Strip (16 LNSP) 
* Retribution (16 LV) 
* Cobweb (18 LVPH) 
* Dream Girl 2 (Probably PG) (Hindi)   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
This Week's pinup (large wallpaper)    
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
A man wakes up hungover, with no memory of coming home. 
He realizes he's fully clothed in bed. He sees one of the lamps on a bedside  
table is broken, and he smells like he was sick on himself. He sits up and  
sees muddy tracks leading to his bed. 
The man groans and holds his head, knowing he's going to be in big trouble  
with his wife.  
She then enters the bedroom with a glass of water and some aspirin.  
"Here sweetie, you probably need this" she says, handing it to him.  
"Sounds like you had a fun night. When you feel like it, I have your  
favorite breakfast in the kitchen, you can lay back down and I'll bring it  
to you in bed. I had my mom pick up the kids so you can have some peace and  
quiet, and after you clean up and feel better, I was thinking we could fool  
around and I'll do that thing for you that you like." 
The man is baffled that she is being so nice to him. Suspicious, he asks  
what happened last night 
"Around 2 AM I was woke up by you trying to unlock the door. I let you in  
and you staggered right past me and collapsed in the bed after knocking over  
the lamp" she says. 
"I was mad but I figured I should try to undress you. Then you yelled at me." 
"I'm so sorry honey, what did I say?" 
"Get your hands off of me lady, I'm married!" 
During my boxing career, I was the 2nd best boxer in my country.  
I fought in over 100 fights, and came 2nd every single time. 
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100 
A solid 10, but also imaginary 
Mine is like pi plus the square root of negative one. 
Complex and irrational. 
The other day, a woman told me for the first time that I'm "the one". 
Too bad it happened at a police station  
I got 50 dollars from my mom... 
She told me to take my brother to the movies, but not to bring him home  
before 6, so they had time to prepare his surprise birthday party. 
That's the day I realized he was the favourite twin. 
I fell over this morning and hit my head on a set of drums. 
I now have percussion! 
A long time back, (when it was fashionable), my mum always wanted a fur coat. 
... but they were very costly. $2000 plus.  
My father surprised her on her birthday with one he picked up for $20.  
Why was it so cheap? It was made from hamsters. 362 pelts to be exact, but  
did not let on to mum. As an extra treat he took her to a fairground for  
the day so that she could show it off.  
Big mistake.  
It took him 6 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel. 
What do you call a person who is happy on a Monday? 
I just went on a date with a dentist receptionist, it went quite well. 
We've arranged a second date for August 24th 2024 at 7:15pm. 
"Hello, my colleague and I have discovered two new types of Lymphoma, and  
we would like to register them." 
"Certainly! Tell me your name, please." 
"Well, I'm Dr. Hodgkins." 
"Great, so we'll call one 'Hodgkin's Lymphoma'. What's the other doctor's  
name? " 
"Dr. Ottovordemgentschenfelde." 
"...OK, 'Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma'. Done!" 
Wanna play Trump’s new Monopoly game? 
Every place you land says Go Directly to Jail. 
I used to work as a programmer at auto correct. 
They fried me for no reason. 
A woman walked into the Kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a  
fly swatter. 
"What are you doing?" she asked 
"Hunting flies" she said 
"Oh, killed any?" she ask 
"Yep, 3 males and 2 females." came the answer 
Intrigued, the wife asked, "How can you tell them apart?" 
Husband: "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone." 
When does it become socially acceptable for adults to build little hideouts  
out of pillows again? 
When they’re in their fort-ies. 
So I believe in helping dogs get a new home rather than getting a puppy...  
so, I bought a dog from our local blacksmith! :D 
Turned out to be a good deal too!  
When we came home he made a bolt for the door. 
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed  
yesterday losing its entire load.  
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused,  
shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed,  
dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded,  
astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, flummoxed, speechless, perplexed,  
and gobsmacked. 
Meanwhile, those waiting for the shipment were at a loss for words. 
A truck driver called the office. 
"My truck needs a new mirror on the right side." 
"What happened to the old one?" 
"Truck's lying on it." 
A truck carrying a shipment of Vicks vaporub overturned on the highway.  
Surprisingly there was no congestion at all. 
- Doctor, I have a problem: every night I dream of rats playing football! 
- Take this medicine, and the this nightmare will stop! 
- Thank you! I'll start taking it tomorrow! 
- Why tomorrow? 
- Well, today they're playing the final! 

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