Newsletter and jokes 15 september 2023

Hi all 
Four new movies this week. First up is the locally-made animated film,  
Headspace, about some tiny aliens and the kids that end up helping them. 
The First Slam Dunk is an animated Japanese film with  excellent ratings. 
Moving up to the adults, we have two horror films, Talk to Me, and the more 
arty A Haunting in Venice, featuring Agatha Christie's famous detective  
Piorot. This is also on the IMAX screens. 
There are premieres next Wednesday for the upcoming Afrikaans comedy,  
Hans Steek die Rubicon Oor, at three venues only. 
Enjoy. :-) 
New this week 
* Headspace PG V 
* The First Slam Dunk (Probably PG13) 
* Talk to Me 16 LVH 
* A Haunting in Venice 16 LVH CT 
* A Haunting in Venice (IMAX) 16 LVH CT   
Forthcoming attractions  
Updated the home page poster  
List of all movies showing  
Same list sorted by Age Restriction  
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
Enjoy :-) 
Cheers, Ian 
Something scary happened. A family on my street all died of mysterious head injuries. 
And I live a stone's throw from their house. 
When my wife accused me of hating her family and relatives, I replied,  
"Darling, I don't hate them. In fact..." 
"I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine." 
An elderly woman is reminiscing: 
- Such an incredible progress in medicine! When I was younger, all the  
doctors were telling me to get undressed, now it's enough for me to show  
my tongue! 
One winter morning during breakfast a husband and wife in Northern  
Minnesota were listening to the radio. 
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow  
today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so  
the snowplows can get through." 
So the good wife went out and moved her car. 
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer  
said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your  
car on the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplows can get through." 
The good wife went out and moved her car again. 
The next week they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer  
said, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..."  
Then the electric power went out. 
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said,  
"Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park 
on so the snowplows can get through?" 
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married  
to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, 
"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time? 
A weasel walks into a bar... 
"What can I get for you?", asks the bartender. 
"Pop!", goes the weasel. 
My girlfriend hasn’t made a single joke in the 10 years we’ve been together. 
We're in a very serious relationship... 
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my constant zodiac jokes. 
I'm so sad that something so simple Taurus apart. 
I saw a group of steers playing poker and smoking Marijuana. 
It was really high steaks. 
A guy goes into a restaurant for lunch. 
After careful consideration, he decides he will have a bowl of the day's  
soup. The waiter praises him for his decision. 
"Ah, excellent choice. The chef makes the soup fresh each day from only the  
freshest, locally-sourced ingredients. It is completely organic, and there  
are no additives or preservatives. 
"Well, it sounds delicious," the man says. "I can't wait to try it." 
"Very good sir!" the waiter says. "I guarantee you will not be disappointed." 
A few minutes later, the waiter brings out the soup and places it in front  
of the man. 
"Bon appetit!" he says and strides off. However, after a few moments, he  
spots the man waving him over. 
"Yes sir?" 
"Taste this soup," the man says. 
"I beg your pardon?" 
"Taste the soup," the man says. 
"Is there a problem? I cannot imagine there could be a problem. The chef is  
renowned for his recipes, and this soup is one of his specialties." 
"Taste the soup," the man says again. 
"Perhaps I should get the headwaiter," the waiter says nervously. He dashes  
After a minute or two, the waiter appears with the headwaiter. 
"I understand there is a problem?" he says. 
"Taste the soup," the man says. 
"Sir, I'll have you know we have never had a complaint in the history of  
this establishment. Our chef has a reputation for excellence, and has in  
fact won a number of culinary awards. His work is beyond reproach." 
"Taste the soup," the man says again. 
"I think I need to fetch the house manager," the headwaiter says, and  
rushes off. 
He returns a few moments later with the tuxedoed house manager. 
"What seems to be the problem?" the house manager asks. 
"Taste the soup," the man says. 
"Monsieur. I will have you know that this establishment is among the most  
respected and revered in the country. The chef is brilliant, known for his  
innovative and imaginative recipes. He trained at the most prestigious  
European culinary schools, and has won the acclaim and admiration of his  
peers the world over. Even questioning his abilities is a grave insult." 
"Taste the soup," the man says again. 
"This is outrageous. I shall call the chef himself!" the house manager says,  
and rushes to the kitchen. 
A few moments later, he returns with the chef, a burly, humourless man with  
large hands and a red face. He glares at the man. 
"You have something you wish to say?" the chef says. 
"Taste the soup," the man says. The chef's eyes narrow as he leans over the  
"I have been the chef in this establishment for 25 years. I have prepared  
meals for presidents and kings. My reputation is unequalled, and every day  
I receive offers of employment. I can work anywhere in the world for anyone  
I choose. Yet you would sit here and impugn my reputation?" 
"Taste the soup," the man says. 
"Taste the soup? Taste the soup? Good sir, I made this soup myself from a  
recipe that has been handed down through the generations in my family.  
This was my great-great-grandmother's own recipe and it is beloved." 
"Taste the soup," the man says. 
"Taste the soup? TASTE THE SOUP?? I have never been so affronted! Taste the  
soup? Fine. I will taste the soup!!" 
He leans across the table and stops in confusion. 
"But where is the spoon? You have no spoon," the chef says. 
"Exactly," the man says. 
If life hands you melons... 
You may be dyslexic! 
My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic, but so  
far, I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely! 
I wanted to study History at university, but I was advised not to. People  
told me there's no future in it. 
I asked the cashier, “Could you give me small change instead of bills? I  
need money for the bus."  
She said, “That’s fare.” 
In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at  
This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation... 
How many astronauts does it take to screw a light bulb? 
One to screw the lightbulb and several others to prevent the spacecraft  
from spinning in the same direction. 
An unidentified man died falling from a night club that was on the 18th  
floor of a building. 
The police saw right away he was not a bouncer. 
I recently found out my deaf girlfriend has been having a secret  
relationship with my best friend for the last several months. 
Can't believe that I missed all the signs. 
My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot... 
but honestly... I'm not a fan. 

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