Newsletter and jokes 22 september 2023


 
Hi all 
 
Long week-end. If you're taking a break, enjoy :-) 
 
Five new movies this week. First up for the little ones is the Russian-made 
animated tale, Cats in the Museum, which, given the current situation in 
Europe, has not been released States-side yet. 
 
On the art-and-related circuit, we have the highly-rated Korean romantic 
drama, Past Lives. It already has a bunch of awards and nominations and  
will likely get more when the big ones are announced. 
 
Switching to the popcorn genre, The Expendables are back in their 4th  
outing, introducing a few new faces to carry the franchise forward. 
 
Bollywood has The Great Indian Family comedy, part of the new wave in Indian  
cinema aimed at healing the deep religious divisions in their society. 
 
With Monday a holiday, there are previews in multiple venues for the upcoming 
Afrikaans comedy, Hans Steek die Rubicon Oor.  
 
Next thursday there are premieres for two Bollywood movies, Fukrey 3, and  
The Vaccine War. See the Previews page and remember to book. 
 
Lastly, some music ... The Royal Opera's Wagner's Das Rheingold is on  
Sunday, as well as Stop Making Sense: The IMAX Live Experience, at  
different venues. This features Talking Heads. 
 
Enjoy. :-) 
 
New this week 
 
* Cats in the Museum (PG) 
* Past Lives (13 LD) 
* After Everything (16 LSVD) 
* Expend4bles (16 LV) 
* Expend4bles (4DX) (16 LV) 
* The Great Indian Family (Probably PG13 P) 
 
 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm   
 
Forthcoming attractions 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm  
 
Updated the home page poster 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/  
 
List of all movies showing 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm  
 
Same list sorted by Age Restriction 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm  
 
Showtimes 
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm  
 
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-) 
 
Enjoy :-) 
 
Cheers, Ian 
 
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What do you call it when a hen looks at a lettuce? 
 
A Chicken Caesar Salad 
 
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A tennis ball walks into a bar. 
 
The barkeep says, “Have you been served?” 
 
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Chuck Norris went to a feminist rally, and came back with his shirt ironed  
and a sandwich. 
 
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I asked my wife what she wants for our anniversary, she said “a divorce.” 
 
I said, “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.” 
 
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A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant. 
 
The waiter asks, “Would you like anything?”  
 
The bear responds, “No, I’m stuffed.” 
 
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There's an old saying that goes "the quickest way to a man's heart is  
through his stomach". 
 
So anyway I lost my surgical license today. 
 
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A thousand years ago, the boomerang was Australia’s chief export... 
 
...and import. 
 
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I went to the doctors because I’ve suddenly acquired a fear of airports. 
 
The doctor thinks it could be a terminal illness. 
 
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I bought some pets online, and just had them delivered. 
 
Turns out they need their liver. 
 
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An elephant walks into a bar, and is surprised to find a bartender not  
serving any drinks to anyone at the bar. 
 
The elephant went out and came back with a few of his fellow elephants, and  
got a beer from the bartender. 
 
The other customers were amazed and asked how he did it. 
 
The elephant said, “You need to make yourself herd.” 
 
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I just finished reading a book about the history of WD-40. 
 
It was non friction. 
 
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The Blonde’s father said “I hope you’re not planning to be alone at your  
boyfriend’s place.” 
 
She said, “Don’t be silly. He’ll be there.” 
 
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I was walking by a house the other day that was being worked on and the guy  
hammering on the roof called me a paranoid little weirdo... 
 
In morse code. 
 
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A man walks into a library and starts to ask, 
 
"Do you have" and the librarian interrupts, "books on ESP and mind reading?" 
 
The man says "no, why would you think that?" 
 
The librarian says "I do this with everyone and some day I'm really gonna  
freak somebody out." 
 
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A nervous looking man walks into the library.  
 
He finds a librarian, leans over and whispers, "Can you help me find books  
on paranoia?" 
 
The librarian looks to her right, then to her left, and finally leans over  
and whispers back, "Don't look now, but they are right behind you." 
 
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My mom’s mom used to tell me that green apples were good for you, but that’s  
just granny’s myth. 
 
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I went on a job interview, Interviewer asks, Do you have any experience? 
 
Me: Yes, of course, "This is my 20th interview" 
 
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You shouldn't trust trees. 
 
They seem shady. 
 
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“Rice is great if you are really hungry and want to eat 2000 of something.” 
 
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Conversation between dad and son about girls. 
 
Young boy: I don't like girls. 
 
Dad: That'll change when you're older. 
 
Young boy: So girls get less annoying? 
 
Dad: No, you get less picky. 
 
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What do you call an English jazz musician? 
 
An Anglo-Saxophonist 
 
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My tractor just left me out of the blue.  
 
Not even a John Deer letter goodbye. 
 
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Gen Z is returning to tradition. 
 
But that tradition is 1950s nicotine dependency. 
 



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